Please don’t be mad.
I stumbled upon this blog some weeks back when I was at work. I knew I had to settle down to read it. So when I got home I did.. I must admit I was really moved.
Then I saw it.
Yes; I knew it was her; I didn’t have to think twice. I knew the way she wrote; I knew the way she pretended; I knew it was her.
Sigh… I can’t remember how we met but I do remember the smile. She refused to look into my eyes I felt she was shy.. it took a month to figure out why. She was easy to please; she loved to go window shopping, ice-cream and of course cupcakes. I would call her up to make her laugh and would go a mile just to see her smile.
With time, she became comfortable with me but still wont come to my house. I was desperate. I knew she was a good girl; I needed her. So I chased and yes I succeeded
The first time we kissed was magical;
We started going out. Things were going too smoothly. I was bothered. I know most people have misunderstandings but not us. Most times ill try to pick a fight but she would back down. I knew she was trying hard not to go crazy on me.. I didn’t appreciate that.
One day she came over, I was pretty angry; I had a bad day at work. I don’t know what happened but the fight started. No she didn’t raise her voice but I knew she was mad. I moved to calm her down and the next thing she bolted out of the door. I was surprised. She didn’t come over for a few days.
I could go on and on.. so many things I failed to appreciate.
I broke up with her; my excuse I needed some space. For the first time she looked me deep in the eyes.. Something different. So much pain; but I had told her it was over. I couldn’t take it back.
Last year, I ran into a friend of mine, added her on bb and one day she put up the picture of my lady. I was excited! I wanted to get in touch with her. My friend wouldn’t let me. So one day bunmi (my friend; not real name) came to my place and I asked her why. She then told me everything. The emotional, physical abuse she had gone through before she met me; the pain, the hurt from family and the baby.
Bunmi noticed I was so down and asked me what was wrong I told her I had dated her friend.. bunmi gave me the word of my life that day!
Twinkles (I used to call her) wouldn’t look at me because she didn’t want me to see her pain;
Twinkles bolted out of the room that day because she thought I was going to hit her.
Twinkles never raised her voice at me because she respected me a lot.
Twinkles really loved me and had made so many sacrifices for me; I was too blind to see
Dear twinkles, I know you will read this. All I’m saying is I’m sorry.. too sorry.. I didn’t appreciate you. You were different. I couldn’t accept that because I had in my head how all girls were suppose to behave. I knew you were having family problems. I knew you were going through so much but I just didn’t want to hear. All those times you would call me at night wanting to talk and I’ll just go on ranting about how my day was and other silly things; I’m so sorry. I made you sad so many times. Trying to pick a fight; hurting you with my words, you will just be quiet and watch me. I wanted you to retaliate I wondered why you never did; now I know why. U were scared I would hit you.
My friends told me I made a big mistake for leaving you; some told me they run into you at the mall sometimes, or see you coming to see a movie alone and you know, most of them didn’t tell me till some days back when I opened up to them about your post and things Bunmi told me.
I was a fool
I know relationships after me haven’t worked. And I know it’s cause most of them can’t handle the love you have to offer. You never demanded anything from me. You didn’t ask for a dime! You were independent but broken. I allowed you bring down your walls and used it against you.
Bunmi said you will not give me a chance; please do. I promise I’ll make everything right. I promise.
For two weeks now since I read your post and spoke to bunmi again; I can’t sleep.. I’m so down. I hear you are working in a good agency now; I heard you are still single. I heard you never moved out like you planned. I heard things never changed at home. I’m so so so sad. But I have been putting up an act.
Beneath my smile is a sad me; a me that didn’t know what I had till I lost it.
Forgive me twinkles.. Please give me a chance to make it up to you
(some people might insult me; some might laugh at me; I deserve it. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that twinkles, forgives me)
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