regret

A ramble in time.

 

photo(7)

Days have come, nights have gone and on one of many nights,

I took a walk down memory lane,
Through the boulevard of erstwhile
In possession of this fragile heart,
Forbidden were these territories

The trees dripped of nostalgic waters,
The paths paved with broken dreams,
The ‘what ifs’ ever resounding,
The echoes of words, left unsaid

As I trudge on…

I dabble in a puddle of regret,
There is melancholy in the air
And the gutters reek of apostasy,
The streets littered with once upon a time, friends.

You see, time is a thief,
In hind sight, I see clearly,
Alas, through the eyes of grief,
Its cost, I pay for, dearly.

Like Delilah, you frolic in her arms,
And with words so woven in deceit
With her promise to stay,
You forget those who matter.
…
Why I started writing this? In all honesty, I’m not sure.
Maybe I just needed to put something up on here, as it’s been eons ago that I did so.
Maybe it’s because I really did not know if I could still do this, so I thought I’d give it a shot, anyway.
Maybe it’s because, a once upon a time friend, could read this and forgive me for being such a negligent friend.

I really don’t know.

But one thing, I’m pretty certain about, is that day and night would surely come and at night, in the screaming silence, I’m left with my thoughts and can only hope that these roads I travel, take me to where I want to go.

I’ve come to terms with the truth that no matter how hard I try, I try in futility to hurry the sunrise. So when the days do come and surely they shall, I pray they come easy and the moments they bring, linger.

Yesterday, I walked like a naïve baby, into fire and got burnt.
Today, I know not to walk into one, not to get burnt.
Yesterday, I sailed through the seas of worriment
Today, I walk through the shores of serenity.
Yesterday, I was that sick lad with broom legs.
Today, I’m thankful for each breath.
Yesterday, I saw family turn their back on me.
Today, I appreciate the friend who stayed and became family.

Time after time, my futile attempts to forget my past have worn me out… so, I stop trying and instead, look for a haven for them, not forgetting who I was yesterday or the path I walked on as they have in totality carved who I become, today.

But then, this is what I think, what do I know?

His Story, IX

Please don’t be mad.

I stumbled upon this blog some weeks back when I was at work. I knew I had to settle down to read it. So when I got home I did.. I must admit I was really moved.

Then I saw it.

Yes; I knew it was her; I didn’t have to think twice. I knew the way she wrote; I knew the way she pretended; I knew it was her.

Sigh… I can’t remember how we met but I do remember the smile. She refused to look into my eyes I felt she was shy.. it took a month to figure out why. She was easy to please; she loved to go window shopping, ice-cream and of course cupcakes. I would call her up to make her laugh and would go a mile just to see her smile.

With time, she became comfortable with me but still wont come to my house. I was desperate. I knew she was a good girl; I needed her. So I chased and yes I succeeded

The first time we kissed was magical;

We started going out. Things were going too smoothly. I was bothered. I know most people have misunderstandings but not us. Most times ill try to pick a fight but she would back down. I knew she was trying hard not to go crazy on me.. I didn’t appreciate that.

One day she came over, I was pretty angry; I had a bad day at work. I don’t know what happened but the fight started. No she didn’t raise her voice but I knew she was mad. I moved to calm her down and the next thing she bolted out of the door. I was surprised. She didn’t come over for a few days.

I could go on and on.. so many things I failed to appreciate.

I broke up with her; my excuse I needed some space. For the first time she looked me deep in the eyes.. Something different. So much pain; but I had told her it was over. I couldn’t take it back.

Last year, I ran into a friend of mine, added her on bb and one day she put up the picture of my lady. I was excited! I wanted to get in touch with her. My friend wouldn’t let me. So one day bunmi (my friend; not real name) came to my place and I asked her why. She then told me everything. The emotional, physical abuse she had gone through before she met me; the pain, the hurt from family and the baby.

Bunmi noticed I was so down and asked me what was wrong I told her I had dated her friend.. bunmi gave me the word of my life that day!

Twinkles (I used to call her) wouldn’t look at me because she didn’t want me to see her pain;

Twinkles bolted out of the room that day because she thought I was going to hit her.

Twinkles never raised her voice at me because she respected me a lot.

Twinkles really loved me and had made so many sacrifices for me; I was too blind to see

Dear twinkles, I know you will read this. All I’m saying is I’m sorry.. too sorry.. I didn’t appreciate you. You were different. I couldn’t accept that because I had in my head how all girls were suppose to behave. I knew you were having family problems. I knew you were going through so much but I just didn’t want to hear. All those times you would call me at night wanting to talk and I’ll just go on ranting about how my day was and other silly things; I’m so sorry. I made you sad so many times. Trying to pick a fight; hurting you with my words, you will just be quiet and watch me. I wanted you to retaliate I wondered why you never did; now I know why. U were scared I would hit you.

My friends told me I made a big mistake for leaving you; some told me they run into you at the mall sometimes, or see you coming to see a movie alone and you know, most of them didn’t tell me till some days back when I opened up to them about your post and things Bunmi told me.

I was a fool

I know relationships after me haven’t worked. And I know it’s cause most of them can’t handle the love you have to offer. You never demanded anything from me. You didn’t ask for a dime! You were independent but broken. I allowed you bring down your walls and used it against you.

Bunmi said you will not give me a chance; please do. I promise I’ll make everything right. I promise.

For two weeks now since I read your post and spoke to bunmi again; I can’t sleep.. I’m so down. I hear you are working in a good agency now; I heard you are still single. I heard you never moved out like you planned. I heard things never changed at home. I’m so so so sad. But I have been putting up an act.

Beneath my smile is a sad me; a me that didn’t know what I had till I lost it.

Forgive me twinkles.. Please give me a chance to make it up to you

(some people might insult me; some might laugh at me; I deserve it. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that twinkles, forgives me)

• • •

A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS?

N.B. The project goes on with Tomorrow’s  ’Her Story, XX ’ by Toyosi Oni

You can still send in your own true stories to obafuntay@gmail.com

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Before I Die…

Sometimes, I like to shut my mind to certain realities.

People die. The ones we love. The ones we forget to tell that we love them. They just die.

How come it’s usually only at memorial services or it’s like that we get to hear all the good things to be said about someone? This someone who has already passed away, who can’t hear these nice things we now say?

Why is it that, it’s when the ones we love die that we remember to tell them how much they mean meant to us?

Funny how most of us never really show gratitude to people who in one way or the other have touched our lives till they kick the bucket.

At burials, we then go with long notes and speeches filled with platitudes. I mean, what is the point then?

You Love someone? Tell them.
Someone has been a blessing? Tell them.
We all tweet “I Love my mother” ….. Have you actually told her (Self sub)

The truth is, life is fleeting. We never really know what’s to happen next.

Just this Sunday, lost a friend because a drunk 33-year-old woman was behind the wheels.

RIP Tundun Lawani
I Love You. We Love You.

Start talking today. Tell those who matter, that Yes, You matter. Let Them Know!

Start.

#VideoWednesday

N.B: When I die, don’t start speaking oyinbo at my burial… tell me what need to be said now! At my burial, just chillax and eat cake all the way. I’ll be waiting for you in Heaven. I Love You too. 🙂

 

P.S. Please, if you have any video you think should be shared to others and we can feature on our #VideoWednesday, please mail me at obafuntay@gmail.com

Thank you

#DearTroubleMaker

You definitely did it this time,
you bit more than you could chew
Now it hurts, you rue
others have come, gone… never overdue

Why haven’t you let this go?
you trouble-maker! Now I have to let you go
will you far away… so far away
the troubles you’ve caused, I ache each day
I never want to re-lay.

“One more try, everything will be fine”
– you say
but I’ve heard that before, over and over again
time without number, now, I listen with disdain
you sound like a broken record yet again.

The songs you sing,
I now turn deaf ears to their lyrics
the rhythm I once enjoyed, move me no more.
Take your luggage, all of it… LEAVE!

You had just one job,
but you decided to multitask, see where that got you
don’t come back, at all sides, I have erected a wall
unlike that of Jericho, they won’t fall.

#iWish

Stop, and think…

loads of things you wish never happened…

I remember catching myself making a wish one time when I saw what I thought to be a shooting star.

Do wishes really come to be reality??? …

here is a list of wishes i think you could relate to:

 

Have you ever rushed into something and wanted out?

Ever said something you wish you could take back?

A mistake/memory you just wish you could wipe off?

A choice made that you wish you could “unchoose”

A “friend” you wish you never knew?

A habit you wish you never started?

A good thing you could have done but just dint do?

But if we keep wishing, what then does that change?

fairy tales only happen in fairyland, in reality we can’t make a wish whenever we see a shooting star. We have no other choice but to learn, observe and avoid that ditch lest we fall again, drive with caution and look ahead.

No need for a rear mirror because on this journey, there’s no looking back, no regrets just one highway to heaven.



Standing again

I WISH THIS NEVER HAPPENED…

… The first time I took a puff…now im addicted like crazy.
… That boy who first showed me a PLAYBOY Magazine.
… That pervert that molested me.
… when I lied and someone had to take the fall
… That ‘friend’ who misled me, those group of fellas I hung out with
… That JERK that hurt my feelings
… That girl who broke my heart
… That time we were so broke.. we begged for food
… The time I stole from daddy’s room or was it mummy’s….oh!  both!!
… That friend I LIED to,CHEATED on, said bad things @ their backs…even when they were faithful
… That Idiot I lost my virginity to…i should have waited
… or the time I cheated on my wife/husband
… That bribe I collected.
… Alchohol!!….m’ stupid when im drunk. Makes no sense!
… All them Hard drugs!….wish i never started!
… Lots of wrong decisions, words..

We’ve all made one mistake or the other in time past, but what the heck? …we are flesh and blood! we are only human. What matters is not the mistake made, but how we could rise back on our feet after falling and be better than when we fell.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall – Confucius

But then, this is what iThink… what do I know ?