Her Story, XVI

Thanks for waiting. In case you missed the preview, find it here, so you know what to expect. If you are not sure what Beneath the Smile is about, please check the preview out.

The project aims at looking beyond the smiles of the next person, to see what’s really beneath, what’s really going on? How people really need help and won’t bother saying anything about it but would rather cover it up with a façade of strength, with a smile.
It’s time to look beneath the smile and lend a helping hand. People are going through real things, these are their stories.

We hope that you’d be kind enough to leave a comment. Your feedback is important to us.

Today’s story was sent in by one of our readers, who has asked to stay Anonymous.

This is her story.

Please Read.

The ‘Beneath the Smile’ Project.

behind the smile

Where to begin…

Well, my parents are separated.
I am not using this as an excuse for how I am, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t in some way affect or rather influence the person I am today. My dad was my first and only real love I would do anything for him in a heartbeat. It was so bad that when I was younger I would only let my dad bath me. My family wasn’t the richest but to me it was perfect. My dad, my mum and my 3 baby sisters.

So when my dad walked out on us I couldn’t understand, I mean I thought we were perfect, I thought he loved us, was it because there was no male child or something?

My mum *sigh* she is a wonderful human. I say human because she is also flawed like us all. When my dad left she probably didn’t know how to handle it, so she kind of poured it out on all of us. Me, being the 1st child suffered the most. I got beat for the littlest thing. Sometime my mum would just call me into the room and reign insults on my head and wouldn’t let me go till she thought I had cried enough. She would call me and tell me did I know she married my dad only because she was pregnant for me?

How was I to react to this? I was just 7 but oh well. We had this old man that came to our house one day to see my mum and my mum wasn’t around so while I was opening the door to let him out, he put his hand down my shorts and tried to force his finger into my vagina. I didn’t know how to react but the next time he came around I made sure I was holding a knife. I told him if he tried that again I would slit his throat. My mom walked in on the scene, asked for no explanation and beat me again. I was just 9.

School has always been hard for me ’cause I learnt to develop a hard exterior and stand up for myself a lot, so I got beat up by the other kids and teachers because I would always speak my mind and never let anyone ride me. I was always going home on suspension and all that. Couple of times growing up I tried to kill myself but that just resulted in series of medical conditions I have to live with till now.

Finally I got into Uni (my 1st Uni), I was happy to be far from home and everyone’s bullshit but even then I was never left alone. My mum would call me to tell me stuff to tell my dad, my dad would tell me to stay out of it, my mum would call me selfish and useless for not wanting to be involved and her family members only made it worse. They were the ones always telling the story of how so so so and so brought their parents back together. Me I just wanted to be left alone and not deal with their wahala.

Because of everything that happened at home, my education suffered, my mental health suffered. I guess I wasn’t as strong as I thought. I eventually dropped out in November 2010. The stay at home was hell. One night my mum and granny descended on me comparing me with my cousin who had her own perfect family.

I figured I had heard enough and I left the house that night. One of my friends agreed to bunk me for that night and I was grateful. I was so naïve. In the night when I was asleep he jumped on me and raped me….lol guess that is how I lost my hymen lol.
My boyfriend then, who was the love of my life, I treated like crap. Why? I cannot explain. I got raped I couldn’t even tell him because he knew all about me wanting to remain a virgin till I got married.

Eventually, I left Nigeria for school again; I saw this as a way to start afresh. I was away from my family and that was all that mattered to me. I was in this whole new world and I fell in love again and I thought this was probably God presenting me with an opportunity to start again. I told him everything about me, I was determined to keep no secrets this time.

But then…

He told everyone. I have been physically and mentally abused by him but he still won’t let me go.
I think I went mental again, I was diagnosed with psychosis and Bi polar disorder. Oh and I also found out I got chlamydia when I got raped …lol…it’s some form of STD but I’m clean now…..lol fear not. I discovered drugs and casual sex and I can live with that.

My mum has probably realised how badly she handles the situation with me and is trying to correct that, so she doesn’t make the same mistake with my sisters and for that alone she has my respect.

My boyfriend (or ex bf) is in prison now for sexually harassing some girl he cheated on me with. I still go to see him every Wednesdays.

I am still depressed, I still take meds, I am still learning… I keep telling myself, I am facing all this to mould me and make me a better person, but of recent I am also beginning to doubt that.
I am not a saint, so far from it. I am not the only victim here, there are so many victims. I haven’t only been hurt by people, I have also hurt people; but every day, I try to be better than I was the day before. Lol certain people see me and they say “I want to be like you” if only you knew what I would give to be like everyone else. Sometimes, normal is good.

I just want to be a normal girl with normal bad habits a normal family and a normal relationship.
The highlight of my life right now is God, My Sisters, My Mum, My course … and the drugs.

I don’t want to say my name. Good luck to whoever figures out who I am…. Just keep it to yourself.

“Hi, I am ……. and I am a drug addict”

• • •

Don’t just read, say a prayer.

N.B. The project goes on with Tomorrow’s  ’Her Story, XVII’ by @Seyi_omotoso

You can still send in your own true stories to obafuntay@gmail.com

You can subscribe to the blog (at the right column to follow the project, if you are viewing with your mobile, just scroll to the end of this page to subscribe)

16 thoughts on “Her Story, XVI

  1. I wish you know and understand God, for God so loved the world (man) the He gave Jesus to paid the price for our sin and who ever believes and trust in Him wouldn’t have to go through life alone. Seek jesus and all other things will be in place

  2. There is nothing God can’t do really… I also have drug issues and I know God will see me through and about the other challenges it is a work over for God just believe. It might not be easy but know God would never leave u hanging.

  3. Sweetheart, I can see you’ve tried everything; suicide, sex, drugs… But have u tried Jesus? U should because He is the only one who loves you unconditionally. John3:16. And He is the only one who knows how to keep promises, Isaiah49:15-18. May God heal your wounds in Jesus name.

  4. Wow…there’s nothing I can say to change the past…all I know for sure is we are human. We aren’t perfect. The right people will come at some point. But to see all that happened to you as a promise for a better future have it in mind that God loves you and his plans are of good towards a better end. Someone will love you for how you are (even more because of all you went through) and treat you like an egg. Not to be broken by anyone. Live happy always…I love you and God loves you

  5. You know, when I wrote that poem you put on your blog Obafunto, these are the people I was talking about. I am more than ecstatic that you’ve got them to come out and share their stories so everyone knows they are not alone.

    And to you Ms Anonymous, I can relate with part of your story though not all. All I want to say to you is that you are not alone…and I beg to differ that there is a ‘normal’ anything. So many things we call ‘normal’ are only so at face value and rotten underneath.

    Just remember that You are beautiful and you are not alone. Whatever you’re dealing with, talk to someone you can trust about it, or talk to God.

    Finally, It’s not my place to tell you what to do but I suggest you re-evaluate your relationship with your boyf/ ex-boyf. If he’s no good for you, don’t let him way you down. Make SURE that you don’t settle so that your relationship are not a copy of your parents. As for the drugs, I’m sure you know their bad for you, so I’ll leave you to research on the effects and decide how you want to treat your body. when you make the right decision, get some professional help

    Know that your story made me cry, so I said a little prayer for you…though I would never judge you.

    Take care of yourself,

    Ms Johnson.

  6. hey darling,
    so we are alike in so many ways, i can relate to most of what you’ve said, because they happened to me too.
    All i want you to know is focus on yourself and God. when the time is right, a beautiful relationship will blossom, someone to love you for exactly who you are. I know this because I have been blessed with one.
    But before then, you have to get yourself together as an individual….one day at a time with someone who is so crazy about you. There literally is nothing you can do that will make him love you more. I have been in a downward spiral i thought i could never get out of, but He is good and He is great. He will never abuse you, will never make you sad or hurt. he loves you UNCONDITIONALLY. To me, there is no better healing than this.
    Your story did not make me cry boo, it made me pray.
    Know that everyday from now till next Saturday, you will be in my prayers and warmest wishesxxx

  7. *sigh* and I tot there couldn’t be a ‘worser’ story. I’m so sorry u had to go through all dt and rape *gasps* dts like d greatest fear of all. I don’t even knw how to begin but all I can say now is try looking for a church in your neighborhood; walk in; seat down on 1 of d chairs and let ur Spirit lead u. God loves u very much ({})

  8. I think its great that u want to quit the drugs. Dats d most important thing. I’m sure God sees your heart. You just need to ask him for help and he will help you. And always remember that life experiences makes u a greater person. God bless you!

  9. Gr8,thk God u made it to this time,moment.There is a reason y HE kept u till now despite all u went 2ru,go discover dt reason i.e SALVATION THRU CHRIST JESUS,this is d only place u can enjoy your life in full,where your past wd never be remembered again but HE centers on making your Present and Future gr8.
    Dearie,you are too beautful and womderfully made to be forsaken. God loves u,HE wants your repentance now,y not give HIM your heart fully.Thx 4 doing that,dearie.

  10. Your story made me cry! I really hope you get to see what I write here! God loves you and will always love you no matter what you do… I will ensure I pray for you everyday because I care and love you too…now I may not know you but my spirit is a witness and knows you…The sweet heart that you have that made you share your story with others is what God sees not the drugs or the pain you’ve been thru… All you need to do is trust Him and give your entire soul to Him! I promise you He won’t let you down! My prayers are with you love

  11. Tbh! I don’t know what to say, maybe I don’t have the right words,, but then I’m sure that one day, you’ll look back and smile .. A smile of victory, Yes,, because against all odds, you will win this battle against life.. So cheer up, look to God, he is willing and able to help you,

  12. Ermmm! thank God u knw God n he is d only answer to all problems…he wld help u with d drugs issues if u let him…go to rehab…first step of solving a problem is knowing d problem n nw dat u know it, take d next step …live life… dnt reck it…as fr ur x bf he needs to work on himself too…embrace life and make it make sense no matter wat circumstances cos we face this circumstances cos we have bn given power of choice to overcome them and the AUthor *God believes in us dat we can through his help…

  13. Wow……I can only imagine and try to understand what you went through…its a whole lot!But congrats,because you are on you way out…you are on your way to your total victory&complete healing…you have taken step1 by coming out to share this story,it is because you want something more than the life you are living now…..Anon,GOD has a plan for your life,and there is something in you that the world is waiting to see,something different,something better than drugs I mean you said it yourself that,that people would be like,”they wish they were like you”it is because there is more on your inside★…am glad that GOD is part of the highlights of your life,but you need to make HIM the reason for your life…HE loves you…HE cares too much about you,HE sees all that has happened and if you turn to HIM HE would turn your story around,you would wonder if you had any bad past…Rom8:28 GOD would work out this situation for your very good,if u make HIM your centre,your all, that’s a promise!.”They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed”(psm 34:5)Turn to JESUS today,turn your everything to HIM today,look totally to HIM,give HIM your worries,your fears,and make HIM your all…and everything would automatically fade away(drugs,etc)it might not be immediate but gradually and eventually every wordly thing would become dim…you can see in HIS word,the outcome of those who look up to HIM,pls give HIM your full attention today,you would be totally healed,you would never be ashamed,you will truimph,you would come out victorious…you are a very strong lady and with JESUS you definately have no limit!I pray this blesses your heart★GOD bless★…you have my prayers★

  14. God is the only one that can completely heal you, not a therapy, not a new relationship or any oda thing u r thinking.Just come to God as you are. Saying a prayer, moved to tears……. Now i have no reason not to smile.

  15. pathetic story. however, I realy wish u can come out of the self pity trap to live life to the fullest. don’t resign to fate, you can’t change the past but you can decide the future. wish you d very best of life.

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