walk

A ramble in time.

 

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Days have come, nights have gone and on one of many nights,

I took a walk down memory lane,
Through the boulevard of erstwhile
In possession of this fragile heart,
Forbidden were these territories

The trees dripped of nostalgic waters,
The paths paved with broken dreams,
The ‘what ifs’ ever resounding,
The echoes of words, left unsaid

As I trudge on…

I dabble in a puddle of regret,
There is melancholy in the air
And the gutters reek of apostasy,
The streets littered with once upon a time, friends.

You see, time is a thief,
In hind sight, I see clearly,
Alas, through the eyes of grief,
Its cost, I pay for, dearly.

Like Delilah, you frolic in her arms,
And with words so woven in deceit
With her promise to stay,
You forget those who matter.
…
Why I started writing this? In all honesty, I’m not sure.
Maybe I just needed to put something up on here, as it’s been eons ago that I did so.
Maybe it’s because I really did not know if I could still do this, so I thought I’d give it a shot, anyway.
Maybe it’s because, a once upon a time friend, could read this and forgive me for being such a negligent friend.

I really don’t know.

But one thing, I’m pretty certain about, is that day and night would surely come and at night, in the screaming silence, I’m left with my thoughts and can only hope that these roads I travel, take me to where I want to go.

I’ve come to terms with the truth that no matter how hard I try, I try in futility to hurry the sunrise. So when the days do come and surely they shall, I pray they come easy and the moments they bring, linger.

Yesterday, I walked like a naïve baby, into fire and got burnt.
Today, I know not to walk into one, not to get burnt.
Yesterday, I sailed through the seas of worriment
Today, I walk through the shores of serenity.
Yesterday, I was that sick lad with broom legs.
Today, I’m thankful for each breath.
Yesterday, I saw family turn their back on me.
Today, I appreciate the friend who stayed and became family.

Time after time, my futile attempts to forget my past have worn me out… so, I stop trying and instead, look for a haven for them, not forgetting who I was yesterday or the path I walked on as they have in totality carved who I become, today.

But then, this is what I think, what do I know?

The Tale of the Silent Screamer

It’s 8:31pm, I’m taking a walk, I’m in that mood again, each time I get in it, I fall in deeper, the headphone is on, but it doesn’t work… I’ll just leave it there all the same. Its best when people think I can’t hear them, I don’t even feel sad about this ’cause everyday, I scream and no one hears.
Life just goes on… silly me!
What did I expect, that the world halts and try to fix me? or someone taps me and indisputably wants to know what’s going on, asking “why are you screaming so loud” even with my lips sealed. I keep walking, there are pedestrians everywhere, look at them, they never hear, they never listen, but I scream still.

Frustration, tension, apathy…

These three now stick with me like accessories I can’t do without, the more I try to get them off, they become yet even tighter. I have lost my voice, I scream no more not cause I don’t want to but because I just can’t anymore.

I hear a deafening scream, it seems to come from behind me, I look around, I see nothing grotesquely odd,

the mallam selling suya down the road, the road-side traders, the thugs fighting over change, cars honking… same ol’ Lagos theatrics.

But with these entire simultaneous occurrences I hear this screamer distinctively, I can’t help but wonder why, I take off my headphones, tap him and ask why? He went on about how everybody had been praying for his only brother, how pastors, family, prayer warriors, had been praying yet, he is six feet beneath as we walk.
He is blaming himself, his eyes tear as he asks rhetorically “If I prayed seriously and fasted would that have made a difference?”
I just stare blankly, I can see the agony through his eyes, and he really believes if he prayed a little more, there’d have been a difference. I mumble something about not blaming himself; crack my head on anything inspiring I can share as I pat him on the back, increase my pace and continue walking.
Now ahead of him, my mind can’t help but wonder and think… God why?
But people prayed, warriors, faith believing pastors, agreements were made, demons bound and casted but today, this boy is here sad, in tears and without a brother nor a father who he lost years back.

*sigh*

Here is another screamer calling for answers, in dire need for comfort, in need of love, In need of hope, searching for answers.

This walk, I shall never forget, the lesson learned I always remember: Life is too short to have such accessories (frustration, tension and apathy) weighing one down. There are people out there, screaming everyday even with their lips sealed, going through real things; life is just one big bully slapping faces unexpectedly.

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This goes out to all screamers, we hear you, we care, and you are not alone.
Tap a screamer today, we are everywhere, your course-mate, brother, sister, bunk-mate, room-mate, the ever smiling friend… cause you never know what really is behind that smile.

Can any one relate to this ?

R.I.P Patrick Akano and Happy Birthday!!
If you can read this, your brother @Lex_469 says “Rest in peace, I know there is a party in heaven for you”

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Share your thought as the souls of our loved ones who have passed, Rest in Peace.

R.I.P Grandpa. ♥

But then, this is what I think, what do I know?