Lost in the Echo

I’ve been sitting here waiting for ‘inspiration’. To be honest, I’m not sure of what I want to write about or how to go on about it, so forgive me if I digress or rather, when I digress.

Where do I begin?

Oh, I should start by, congratulating every one of you, it’s a privilege to see a new day.. You know? And then we get to see a new year! Its been baba God.

A lot has happened recently, it’s just too much of a transition. Things have changed, things are changing, people have changed, people are changing, losing friends, making new ones, getting out of relationships, jumping into others, new places, new faces, being enmeshed in the guise of new-found freedom, trying new things, trying wrong things, trying to be right, making decisions, breaking promises, comprising principles, disappointing many, meeting expectations of a few, father talks, mother hugs, getting lost, trying to get found. Closed chapters, opened new ones.

Oh, I should get on to something that has been on my mind for a while now…

My weaknesses.

They have been a thorn in my flesh thus far. They show up in their numbers, so often these days. I seem to have fed them! Oh God! Look at them!! they have grown all obese on me, I don’t know where their strength lies, they stare at me, grinning! *sigh I thought I had overcome these things… “Well, you can’t get over us“, I hear their accusing lingering echoes.

His excuse has always been “I’m only human, I am not perfect”.

How long shall we hear this, how long shall we continue to listen to this?!” the accuser of the brethren chants. “How long?!”

What do you have to say for yourself? Speak.

My name is Funto AyinOluwa and I make mistakes.

I’ll be honest, I have used the “I’m only human, I am not perfect” excuse, way too much when I give in to my weaknesses.
I thought it’ll help lessen the guilt I feel each time I fall short, alas, my conscience, I steer.
I have vowed times without number, “This wouldn’t happen next time” I will say. That’s become a broken record now. Promises shattered.
I fed them. A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the arms. I let the guards down, my eyes to blame, my ears to blame.

I’ll be honest, I have been unfaithful, yet He has stayed faithful.

But then…

“Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid.” That verse in the bible gets me trembling. He has been faithful, yes. But is that why I tend to take things for granted? Nurturing these weaknesses, expecting grace to abound still?

I wonder why they call them weaknesses, as they seem to have such strength over us. We allow them to at least. We feed them. Then they get all obese and control us. Control me.

Weaknesses, you say?

Still, they toss you around, hold you down, take charge, and take control.

Who’s weak now?

Hello weakness,

We need to talk.

We can’t do this anymore. Yes, I admit, sometimes, it seemed fun while it lasted. It’s not you, it’s me. I need a change. We are just at different points now.

I can’t do this anymore.

You see, I do not know what your own weaknesses are, I know mine. You know yours. I guess everyone has their own sorta baggage. Be it: Doubts, Lust, Envy, Pride, Fornication, being the Chatter box, Chronic attention seeking, Adultery, Covetousness, The blunt, Insecurities, Procrastination, Glory mongering, Busy body, Drugs ati be be lo {and so on and so forth}

Something needs to be done, because with time, with all of these, weighing one down, we get to push people away, begin to lose friends, and eventually lose one’s self to the echo.

We need to let Go(d), it’s time to let Baba God. Because frankly, o ti su mi {I’m tired}

My name is Funto AyinOluwa and I make mistakes.

Far from perfect I may be, to be better I want to be.

I’m done being lost in the echoes of my weaknesses. I’m tired.

It’s time to Let Go(d)

But then, this is what I think, what do I know?

#ThisIsMe – ImperFect

Times I should sit back and pray
I do otherwise and go astray
I fall short and sin day after day
My flesh and guilt hold me sway.
Hypocrisy my ally, as a chameleon I always blend in, lust my new found love.
Now I’m happy, this I say, the opposite the case.
Within I bleed, an empty can I have become, tossed around by the fierce winds of this world, dented I’ve become, imperfect I am.
A perfect picture I seem to be to the Red riding hoods.

I have put up quite a show, very impressive, the curtain call I always anticipate my very being I desecrate.
One man is never deceived,
One man knows the truth,
One man looks through and sees all I try so hard to hide.
The flaws, the scars inflicted by thorns of this rose we all call life, all the imperfections I thought my colorful garment concealed. He sees.
One man… The man in the mirror.

I meander through this boulevard named life.
Lost in a maze, I need God’s way out.
Today I choose to go no further without His direction, that I may look at myself and all I have be without pelf.
That I may be filled again with the love I once believed in, my garment I put down so that all may look and see me, the imperfect me. Their chants for an encore I turn deaf ears to.
I choose to follow His lead and rove no more.
I choose to live through each day being happy.
I choose to smile when others wear a frown.
I choose to sing like no one is listening.
I choose to dance (I’m the worst dancer ever) like no one is watching.
I choose to live a life of gratitude.
I choose to do away with things/people that always make me unhappy and stick with happy things like Cake :D.
I choose to love like I’ve never been hurt.
I CHOOSE to be ME! In a world that fights day in, day out to make me different.
So that after the day is done and I’m all alone and I look at that man, we both smile. 🙂


But then, this is what iThink, what do iKnow ?