Child Musings ii

Hello.

Remember Child Musings written by @Jetttson that we all enjoyed, well, in case you missed out on it, read it Here. Yes, just click the “Here”. Now, we present to you the ever funny Child Musing ii by @jetttson again.

Enjoy.

First off… I thank you all for all the comments… re-tweets… “LOLs”… “LMAOOOOOs”… “LWKMDs” etc… I appreciate gaan ^_^… I am most especially grateful to bev (@shytalkative) and @ObaFuntAy… they helped out a lot (although they didn’t correct my gbagauns in the previous post >.>)… anyway… without further ado… I present child musings…….
Part II
Mrs Okoro looked me in the eye and frowned… “At your age you’re still pupuing on yourself… shame on you… ”… I let out silent tears… “See how your class mates are laughing at you… anyway I can’t let you walk around with all this shit… so you’ll have to wear the girls’ uniform till your daddy comes”… “Please ma… no” “WILL YOU SHUT UP… DID I TELL YOU TO SHIT ON YOURSELF?! ” “please ma… pleaaaaaaaasssssssssseee” she lifts her hand to slap me but the matron interrupts… “Take it easy Mrs Okoro… he’s just a child” “A very stupid child… please take him inside and change his uniform” she takes me in gently “you’re lucky… I was going to slap your ears off” (thought: you should have done it… see if I won’t put you in an arm lock)… inside… I tried to persuade the matron to let me stay with her until school was over… I’m sure she would have agreed if not for Mrs Okoro’s frequent howling… she dressed me up quickly and took me out… as I stepped out I noticed a smirk on Mrs Okoro’s face (thought: my God will judge you)… she took me to the class and even before we entered my class mates were already peeping out to see the new citizen of Scotland… Mrs Okoro stepped back and gestured for me to enter the class alone (thought:

I summoned courage and proceeded into the class on my own… heart breaking laughter filled my ears… my God what did I do wrong… WHAT?!… Mrs Okoro steps in “don’t you know your seat again?!” she still had 30 minutes so she went on teaching… using me as a point of reference any time she had the chance… she
even told me to go to the girls side when it was time for quiz… all the while I silently prayed the undertaker would come out from the ground and give Mrs Okoro a befitting choke slam… she left the class 15 minutes early… just enough time to get tortured… all my class mates were getting ready to pick on me and then… when I least expected it… the school bell rang (thought: ^_^ thank you Jehovah… I am forever gratef…) the bell rang again and again and again… the bell rang four times… this could only mean one thing… assembly! (Thought: Jesus I’m still ready… you can still take me)… I was going to leave the class last but two hefty boys dragged me out “LEAVE ME ALONNEEEEE” (translation: pick on someone your own size you premature gorillas)… they both declined and carried on… dragging me to the assembly front….they drooped me just before we got there and left… I thought about running away but I couldn’t… not with all these teachers around… I walked hurriedly to the space assigned to my class… hopefully no one would notice… It worked until the girl whose name I wrote down in the noisemakers list (you should remember her from part one) screamed “MAYOWA WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY SKIRT?!” the little bitch… all because of a stupid noisemakers list… all the students turned around and stared… they didn’t laugh or anything (I wasn’t so popular)… then I started walking again (fuck up)… they all noticed my struggle walk whilst wearing the skirt (it’s the sort of walk you’ll get if 50 cent ever wears a kilt ) mehn you should have seen the way they laughed and pointed immediately they noticed I was a boy… even the not-so-cool kids laughed… I just stayed where I was and didn’t venture to go any further… the teachers were compassionate enough to let me stay there… the impromptu assembly had been called because there was a shoot-out going on outside between the police and some hoodlums so we were asked to stay in school for a while longer


The actual fuck… how could all these things be happening today… how?!… Something is wrong somewhere… I made way to the class… the things these evil children did and said to me… I actually had to cross my leg like a girl because some asshole peeped under the desk to see my panties (karma is a bitch -_-)… another one drew this and pasted it on the board

… even when I wanted to go to the toilet one primate threatened to follow me to play mummy and daddy with me (I saw him holding hands with a light skinned man some days back)… these children didn’t let up one bit… they took all my notes and added a “Mrs.” Just before my name… then news got out that the shoot-out was over and we could all go home… (Thought: it took you this long to hear me Jesus) but before I even stepped out Mrs Okoro entered the class with a new short for me… I did this to her in my mind

I just had this feeling Mrs. Okoro had somehow joined forces with some babalawo and had today planned out
Today is worst day of my life… this was all I had on my mind as I made my way to the school gate to meet my father… I considered running away from Nigeria… I wondered how much an okada man would charge to take me London… my dad smiles and asks “how was school today?” I was going to tell him all that happened but Mrs Okoro had threatened to make me wear a feminine uniform for the rest of my stay in primary school if I did… “Fine” I force a smile… as we went through the school gate I had just one thought……

The end.
p.s. I think the girl that screamed my name was @i_annette… I think >_>

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Childhood Musings

Hi… I’m Mayowa and this is my very first attempt at a blog. I have always wanted to write one but I could never find a suitable topic until I happened to pass my primary school one faithful day.

The dreadful memories bolted back into my head. Now this story mortifies me but I’m a strong person and I have moved on (lie). Before I go on I’ll like to tell you a little about myself (wait, please don’t close the page 😥 I am 32(lie), no wife, no kids, 19000+ tweets (#winning)… now I tell my sad tale…..  Ah yes! One more thing …I was 4 when the events of this day took place… this isn’t exactly what happened… in other words this story is 75% true.

LIGHTS! POPCORN!! ACTION!!!

DADDY PWWWWEASE”… he’s going to do it again… he’s going to abandon me in this animal pen (school) what did I ever do to this man to deserve such cruel faith?!… Besides I just got discharged from the hospital… I’m not ready for this struggle place just yet *he attempts to bolt but I grab hold of his left leg… he tries to wiggle free and fails…

Source: Google

Mayowa please… I just want to get gala for you… I’ll be back” “NOOOOO” (translation: just how stupid do you think I am nigga?) “Don’t you want to see your friends?” “I DON’T HAFF FRIENDS *wail” (translation: I don’t associate with retards)… “Stop lying mayo…. ” he spots a teacher heading towards us… I notice her too… “Good morning sir… he’s trying to skip school again eh?” my father smiles “good morning… yes… please take him in for me” she attempts to grab me but I kick out wildly (thought: stay away from me you shit faced troll)… she frowns “you don’t really like school… Do you?”… Silence (thought: captain obvious ! -_-)… “Why don’t you like school? … Don’t you want to grow up to be rich and famous like bill gates?

silence (thought: he dropped out of school!)…

“DADDY TAKE ME HOME”… they both laugh out loud “don’t worry sir you can go” “Mayowa I’m going to leave you with the nice la…” I notice the gateman leave his post leaving the school gate wide open… ”this is my chance” I release my father from my hold “Can I make it?!” the teacher reaches out for my hand “can she run?!” she’s a few inches away “will she chase me?!” I start to make my move “will she catch me?!” I feel her touch… I bolted as fast as my little legs could carry me… my father screamed my name but I didn’t reply… I’m close to the gate now… I can see people outside… I’m almost out I’m going to make it… I’m really going to make it…… I fall down (thought: damn!)… The teacher approaches me and drags me into the school premises… we pass my father… he waves and heads towards the gate… *silence*

*OTIS SCREAM*

The next 5 hours of school were slow and painful… the stupid teacher from this morning had gone around telling teachers and even students about my tragic ordeal (they all had a good laugh)… and during break this girl had her 8 year old brother steal the meat from my lunch box simply because I wrote her name down in the noise makers list (I almost put up a “if found please return” sign for that meat) … but it didn’t matter anymore… school was going to be over in one hour… my last hurdle for the day was going to be a math’s class… this is where the wahala starts… you see I hate mathematics with a passion and it’s simply because of I’m about to tell you… brace yourselves…

Mrs Okoro… the mathematics teacher enters and immediately wrote “9 X 10=” on the chalk board… I’m barely paying attention because all I could think of was going home… I start to imagine all the things I’m going to do once I get home… eat… play with my lego… I begin to smile and Mrs Okoro notices “YOU… Stand up and answer the question on the board” I snap back to reality and see her looking in my direction… I look back (you see I’m usually very coy and quiet so the teachers rarely call me) “ARE YOU STUPID?! IS IT NOT YOU I’M TALKING TO…? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING BACK?” she approaches… in my head I begin to pity the unfortunate student who refuses to answer her (the last thing you want to do as a 4 year old is give mrs Okoro ellla)… she stands in front of me “IS IT NOT YOU I’M TALKING TO?” I smile (you see Mrs Okoro had quarter past 3 eyes so I thought she was talking to the student beside me) she has her Segun Arinze gaze on now (thought: this nigga has signed his death certificate)… she strikes my right cheek with a brilliant backhand ifoti aye… *abrupt silence *Otis scream… real tears(thought: why me Lord?!)… She drags me up taps my ogor and points to the board… I approach the board in tears… I got to the front of the board and my heart skipped 2 beats… I knew if I failed this I was doomed… “Don’t make me come to that board” I pick the chalk and attempt to write what I thought was the answer… fear paralyzes me… she begins to approach me… I can hear her footsteps… (Thought: hear goes nothing… Jesus take control)…  I write what I thought was the most appropriate answer… she’s behind me now *crickets… the whole class explodes with laughter (Thought: bastards… it’s not like you know the answer >.<)… “LOL… so 9X10=11X12…?

That’s what I thought you ehn?” (Thought: Jesus I’m ready… take me now) she asks a student to get her cane… a pile of shit suddenly builds up in my bum “please ma you can’t beat me… I just had surgery on my bum bum” “who are you lying to?” “It’s true ma… I can show you” “show meJ” (Thought: bloody pedophile! >_>) she takes me to the center of the class and we assume the doggy position… “Remove your short” “Ma?!” (Translation: ARE YOU MAD?!) “ARE YOU STUPID…? I SAID REMOVE IT” … she lifts the cane up…. (Hi … please if I’m setting P with you close the page now… this is your bus stop)……  I remove my short hurriedly and reveal the well placed “X” on both sides of my bum… * laughter… Mrs Okoro asks me to pull my short back on… what has this woman done to me… I should hit her… I should shoot he…. I let out a loud fart and dropped… and dropped… and dropped *dramatic pause*sips water… the pile of quality shit that had been building up all this while… the students behind me notice… *laughter… (Plays Asa’s Bibanke)… my plight wasn’t over yet…

Mrs Okoro drags me out to get a new uniform and… and… and… the only uniform they had available was feminine… Mrs Okoro had a choice… let me walk around in my own shit until the school closes or see if I look cute in a feminine uniform… she chose the ….. WATCH OUT FOR PART 2! xoxo

I’m sorry I just can’t go any further *walks away face down… hands in pocket… kicking stones.

@Jetttson

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Personally, I think if you din’t write down “Names of Noisemakers”  with x2, x3, x4….x7 .. Your childhood sucked! :p

Which option do you think Mrs. Okoro chose? If you were in Mayowa’s shoes, what would you prefer?

Okay, make use of the comment box below! Share your most  memorable embarrassing moment.

Happy Fathers Day!