NYSC: THE TRAVAILS OF A YOUNG LEARNER by @PoloGren

Hmm.. it was closing down to graduation time and its like my life was just gonna start! July 2nd, 2012 was a reality….. The whole event including the partying was epic, we were young, wild and free, spending money like we just hit a lottery.

Next up, NYSC, one could not wait for the feel of the orientation camp, the booze, the ladies and the dancing, another time to remember was coming up, but first i had to land myself in Lagos camp to ensure the maximum fun!! To aid my mission of Lagos camping, my Major General uncle was on hand to push the buttons, (he had previously done it for my Elder brother and sister who all served in Lagos) So this was obviously gonna be a walk over. Infact, if i was asked before call up numbers even came out, “were are you going to serve?” i will respond with energy “LASGIDI!!”

nysc_thumb

September Came, Call up Numbers came out, when a friend checked and sent ma number to me, 30 secs later ma uncle received the text with all ma details, a response text came back. “I have seen it Joshua I am on it”!!. I started laughing at people that were paying sef, that your own will flop, i got the best connection. lol. Subsequently, cause that my uncle can forget things, I sent it, my father sent it and my mum sent my details again, I sent it to his wife and children, U even sent my details to his Back man (His orderly, the soldier that follows him like fly in the ass). I was calm, relaxed and ready for the time of my life in LAGOS CAMP!!

October, Call up letters were ready to come out, I was so pumped up with optimism, lol. (poor me). A day before call up letters were to be issued, my Uncle sent the most devastating text I could ever have imagined.. the text was to my father, it read “what school is your son in?” LOBATAN. A day before call up, he is asking for this?? Has he even done anything? But I was still positive, cause he is a Rank Higher than the DG of NYSC so it should be a straight order to reverse things for me, the Golden Boy ready to Storm Lagos Camp.

Call up day!!! Still happy, people were checking theirs and Jollificating, a friend of mine, Dayo Said he was posted to Borno!! LWKMD! i was literally rolling on the floor, until it hit me like a thunderbolt.. ‘Check yours’ the small voice whispered in my ear!.. Sharply i PING-ed Edafe. ‘MY G, help me check my “Lagos” Posting’… Edafe PINGs back! it reads “You are in KEBBI sir“.. KE What?????? Connection Fail Toh badht.. my next pm read “bye bye to vehicles, cheers to riding Camels” People laughed at me, but I was still optimistic, cause in my sisters time, she was posted to Taraba, Pops took the letter to Abuja the next day, it was signed on for her to be brought back to Lagos, in my mind i thought, same can be done for you.. Not until my uncle called and said i should go for the orientation camp in Kebbi First. Held Work on my Redeployment… The Golden Guy of Lagos Camp was going to be the Bronze man of KEBBI!! Days passed by and somehow i was starting to think it was a great idea, new environment, new people, new everything. A breath of Fresh air!!! lol! NOV 7th I was on my way to the unknown, flung in an abyss.. i was on my way to the city of KEBBI. But first stop was Sokoto, I had to fly there then go by road to KEBBI.

I kacked to the Airport, Jeans Jacket, Muxins, Vickers all Ironed looking like a million bucks, I had prepared, welll packed, white shirts, shorts and everything needed, ready!!!. I was kinda hurried to the Airport as mum and dad accompanied to see their last child off to Youth camp. The two lovebirds were done paying fees, what a relief for the Young man!! lol. (Love that Man). Funny enough we had a stop at Abuja, to change planes and join another that will take us to sokoto.. my luggage was kinda too big for hand luggage so I checked in at the foot of the plane. Rough Flights both of them were. but over Sokoto, it was obvious we were in the far north, from the plane it was a large expanse of Arid desert! Loadsa other corpers were in the plane too, all to different states…

Touchdown Sokoto!

The supposed Airport was like a Kiosk. Cos only Arik went there and it was 1 flight per day. it came in by 11;30, thats when the workers close. lol ( Lazy mallams i thought!). Lucky me, ma sister got a friend in sokoto who was gonna come to the Airport and pick me and take me to the park to find a car to Kebbi. I had my Covenant Perfect Set Folder in Hand (Life saver, yould figure out in abit). I walk out to the baggage collection place and saw my sister friend waiting for me, gave her a big squeeze, exchanged pleasantries and said a few, while waiting for my luggage. First batch of luggages arrive!! mine not there.. Second batch arrive *obviously mine must be there* LOBATAN my luggage wasnt there too. Yeah right!! I was luggage-less!! it happens that when I was checking in at the foot of the plane, my luggage was tagged for Abuja, so when we touched down Abuja. My luggage was treated as an Abuja passenger and so ma luggage didnt follow me to sokoto.

*Sweats*

Normally, I’m one to find solutions rather than problems so i started brainstorming, to cut the long story short, I gave my sister friend my boarding pass to help collect the luggage the next day when it will be sent with the next flight of the next day (like I said, 1 flight per day). With a few calls and all they located my luggage and got it ready for sending. *now heres were the Covenant Perfect Set Folder helps a niccur* I kept my Call up letter and My notification of result inside instead of inside my bag, luckily all my cash was inside my pocket too. To cut more long story short, I was going to kebbi state With My jeans Jacket, inner shirt, Vickers, boxers, shoes and folder. Thats how I resumed CAMP!

Sokoto to Kebbi was 4hrs broken into 2 journeys. First, you’ll enter a car to Birnin Kebbi, Kebbi state Capital, then to Dakingari, the location of the NYSC camp.. I was Seeing live desert around.. I was in the FAR north. Hot, I mean very hot and underdeveloped. Lucky me sha, I could speak Hausa so it was a stroll in the park.

At the Gate of the camp, the security guards and all the uniformed people were so shocked that i was resuming without luggage and all, I even laughed at myself. But once again my hausa speaking tactics saved me. (prior to that though, a friend of mine has sent me the pin of one of her hot friends going to kebbi too). we were in constant contact and topmost on my mind was “is she as fine as pictures say??” (cause these days picasa and photoshop are deceiving niccurs). I was already super exhausted, registration went into the night, and yeah she was as fine as the pictures say. She was with me all through the registration time, putting me through each step. I entered the MAMI market that night to get what ild use to survive that night cause kebbi gets real cold in the night, and other stuf majorly toiletries too carry on the next day before I get my luggage! Kebbi was looking like a bad idea.

WAKE UP WAKE UP!!! next morning.

I am cold, but i gotta go for parade and all. it was getting worse, eitherways in the afternoon I got exeat went back to town, got ma luggage and came back. Things were looking better, cos i had everything to survive in that box.. i met with some CU graduates that I never knew in the school, *yeah we are that large* fuunny right? but true.. We got along instanta. before i knew it, we were a circle of close friends, keeping seats for ourselves always hanging together..slowly our circle got larger. being the Bronze guy of Kebbi wasn’t bad.

We were almost tagged the “buutty kids” cause we never ate the food that was cooked. we bought exotic things, Kebbi style. my friends, we made kebbi worth staying, but the heat too had other plans.. lol, i am normally dark, I was gradually seeing maself turn to BLACK!! Conditions too, were harsh, between throwing shotput, choked up rooms and poor infrastructure, i couldn’t choose which was worse.

As it went on and on i found out I really loved to match! *Flashback* (Wheel Retire about turn, Move to the right in threes Right turn, About turn by number squad 1, squad 2. Parade we Remove Hairdressing, Remove Hairdressing) lol. Im that good. I even got one personal washerman for me and the crew, lol, his name was Abdul Majid, Young Boy, I wondered why he was not in school but rather here working! another Amazing thing i saw in kebbi was life Camels, DANG!! they huge! Very big!! I was scared to climb o. people did sha. not me, couldn’t let my athletic body fall of that thing. yes it is a thing *straight face*

My friends were wonderful, the way we bonded was like Adhesive on wood, quick set. we stuck like family. see the sequence; From a Team, to a unit, from a unit to a clique, from a clique we became a family, sharing things freely, discussing about our past life and having the usual perverted talk. lol. For our camp fire night, we contributed money and bought two live Goats, 9k for both, it’s that cheap in kebbi. Got someone to pepper it and munched for the campfire night. EPIC! lol, we did loadsa other stuff ild have to cut cosa white paper space.

Yeah am sure you’re wondering, “were is dis guy heading?” well lucky you, I’ve arrived there. lol. Asides the fun i was having in Kebbi and the fun i didn’t have in Lagos camp, i Learnt more than i could imagine. I’ll tell you what made me learn first of all, then I would join all the lessons. First of all, I met kids that were ready to eat our leftover food at mami market, cos dey never get to eat rice in their lives, they rush for dis food like no mans business (sorry i forgot to add that i saw Donkey too). Also, I met people that were way older than the NYSC stipulated age, but just for the need of the monthy renumeration, they had to enroll, the man below the bunk next to me had a 13yr old son, (how can he possibly be below 30??) Another one i met, looking at his face it’s obvious this man wasn’t in our generation, matching looked strange too him, I figure the last time he would have done that was at Nigerias independence day in when ?? yes 1960!! lol. He was the breadwinner of his family, and the first born in the extended family. all those mouths were gonna feed on his #19,800. I saw a village that had only one source of water, a lake opposite their village on the other side of the road, they drink, cook and bath with the water from that lake, at the edge of that same Lake Labourers were using the Water to Mould brick!!! That same Water!!. My washerman AbdulMajid was in ss3 but not in school because he could not payed his fee. guess how much? 2k people. 2000 naira you use to buy pizza at debonairs. His father and Mother couldn’t afford it. Anyway, my friends and I, ensured he had more than that to return to school before he left us. I heard of a village in kebbi also that had no light, no road part for any vehicle or bikes, you gotta use the giant animal, the Camel to access such places. lol. The capital of Kebbi, Birnin-Kebbi had no eatery, was a sharia state, they sold no booze, we not talking dead state, we talking super Graveyard!!

Lastly, i saw a man that just said by the side that if he didn’t receive that salary, he cant go back to were he came from! OLORUN GBAMI!!
Now you see were i am going, I constantly thought of all these and they seemed to hunt me.

My natural complains were the fact that my pops was slow in getting me a license, why I didn’t go to dubai in the summer?, why don’t I have personal car, why are some Ps not clicking with all my Swag and class,*yimu abi??*.

All of a sudden in the midst of all these Issues i was seeing; my problems seems like nothing, mind you, all these people had big smiles on their faces, nothing to show stress cos they were comfortable the way they are and I thought what is to this life if you cant bless another life?
How can you leave this Earth without making someone’s life better?
Do you deserve what you have?? See for all God cares you could have been born in that village that doesn’t have water and are stuck in village life. Sometimes we act like we chose our parents from heaven. See, you’re simply lucky to be born in a family that can afford for your basics and a little luxury! We have plans to go to school and be better and earn big and do business and all. While someones prayer everyday is to have bread to sustain them to see the next day.

Are you thankful? I went to Kebbi so I will remember I should give thanks, to remember God has been faithful, to remember I deserve none of all i have or seem to have or my parents have that they give to me or any of the things I receive. It’s what they call grace. A wise man once said if You stop Thanking You will start stinking. You wanna stink? Antiperspirant no fit save dis one o!! lol.

Now hold up and Thank!!! Thank God. Your just lucky, you deserve none of it.
I figured Camping in Kebbi was a Wake up call.. A wake up call to appreciate, there were loadsa other things I saw in that place but i probably can’t remember or at this stage its hard to re-enter it into my story. I made long term friends, I saw Animals I had never seen, I matched and U Graduated a Total Kebbi Koppa, a certified young learner!!!

Before you think I’m still in one villa in kebbi, I have been redeployed to lagos, my once sly uncle kept to his word! But in Lagos again they now sent B.sc Economics to Daycare. smh. Thanks For reading ma Boring story jare.

Cheers!!

@PoloGren

Cameras

Hello Beautiful People.

Please enjoy Mr. Alariwo himself ranting… Cameras by @Ayob_


 

 

 

 

 

OK! I know we all love these pictures right?

Yeah I love them too 🙂 but does this mean everyone should carry a
camera around the neck, even when you are not aspiring to become a Pro
Photographer, even if you are aspiring to be one, should you now
carry it about 24/7?

Basically in Nigeria we bastardize things, for instance let’s talk
about twitter… Nigerians have carried it on their head… the site was
meant for interacting, entertainment, marketing and also to spread
info easily.

Now we have things like:

“I must have 1000 followers this month” or arguments like “how many
tweets do you have sef ?” or “I have more followers than you do” or
threats like “if you don’t follow back I would swear for you” In my
school (cu) or let me say the school I went to

Yeah! I AM GRADUATING TODAY (June 29th,2012)

Yay!!! … Trends in cu are so annoying & Trendy ^_^ let me re-cap

My year one… paratrooper’s outfit were the order of the day.  A friend
of mine once used it to safe land from the 4th floor when the popo
(revo) came searching when he was stabbing one of the chapel
service(s)

My year 2 was a great transformation as TM- shirts or let me say
“tails” were the trendy trend. The want and need to be known or in
lame man’s term “among” made people like my classmate Rotimi telling his
tailor “Broda Karma” to sew him a shirt with tail tagged and named TM
Lawal

My year 3 was a weird and PRETTY sad one as the sexuality of our
male gender gradually drifted to that of the feminine , skinny
trousers, sling bags and flowery shirts were the must have of the
session

“Farok the great” stole his sister’s flowery shirt, skinny pants and
sling bag and started feeling fly with them… unfortunately she is a
size 6 and in female sizing u can call him a size 8 or maybe 10
sef…Huh? how he managed to wear it all along I don’t know Even thick
guys like “Sunday” followed this trend *imagine the sight*. Thank GOD
for our DSA at the moment who stopped the madness the next session…
S/0 to Mr. Muyiwa Fadugba

The other time, a dude used his shoelace as his tie all because he
just had to follow the ‘slim tie’ trend… blushes by ladies is another
very serious thing that should be tackled… aha ahan you are BLACK so
why a thick red blush again *confused smiley* . Sighs* DonJazzy
started the Pyjamas madness but hello he is a celeb + he had a reason
for it (thou the reason was stupid sha), but cu boys decided to carry
it on their shoulder. Chukwudi the other day was even wearing a every
transparent one, his red boxers was showing… I’m sure it was a sewn
pj smh!!

My year 4 *sighs* a very expensive one… I had to sell all my clothes
and shoes just because I wanted to buy an 18 inches Brazilian hair
(150k) for the classy “senator’s daughter” girlfriend of mine -_-.
You see want happens when you go for the upper class of the society. I
also had to buy a copy of the Beats Headphones (40k) for my Stolen
itouch (free) … thou I was not into sound engineering or anything
music related … Huh, am I stupid? Nooo!!!! It was a fashion/technology
trend *Big Grin*

Now my year 5.. the Ipad…*sighs* I almost sold my younger brother so I
could purchase this, ladies so much flocked around a dude with the iPad
n I wanted to be that dude 😦 ….then it was the whole Vintage/ Colour
Blinding Blocking ish … My friend Ozozo had to wear his 6years old brother’s trouser in
order to achieve the whole jumpy trousers stunt to it… then Ankara
trousers, I actually think this is a good concept and all ,because I’m
all into African effect and all but CU boys can’t just allow something
be sha… Imagine Ankara trousers with a Red Suit and yes what’s with
boys and weird colours imagine a Purple, Pink, red or even lemon
trousers and now it’s hanging professional camera around… Have you
weighed those cameras, soon you neck would be Gym(d) up . I saw Tunji
at ikeja and he specifically at the shop i saw him told them that he
wanted to buy a SPOILT Professional camera… y ? so he could add it to
his daily dressing accessories I guess 🙂  .

Be Trendy, not just because it is trendy, but because it fits you or
suits your person, body or personality and if it doesn’t move on to a
better trend or better still start your own trend J

I tell my friends when they yab me about my style or pattern of life..
“ I define fashion and my way of life Jor “

CONGRATS TO ALL GRADUATING SET OF 2012

@ayob_ reporting for Alariwo

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

@ayob_ is the Editor of a famous Blog site www.alariwo.org and rants on his personal blog www.ayobtheblogger.wordpress.com .you can all catch him there.

Source of Pictures: www.thePhotocentric.com

DISCLAIMER: All the names and stories used where all imagined and formulated

Child Musings ii

Hello.

Remember Child Musings written by @Jetttson that we all enjoyed, well, in case you missed out on it, read it Here. Yes, just click the “Here”. Now, we present to you the ever funny Child Musing ii by @jetttson again.

Enjoy.

First off… I thank you all for all the comments… re-tweets… “LOLs”… “LMAOOOOOs”… “LWKMDs” etc… I appreciate gaan ^_^… I am most especially grateful to bev (@shytalkative) and @ObaFuntAy… they helped out a lot (although they didn’t correct my gbagauns in the previous post >.>)… anyway… without further ado… I present child musings…….
Part II
Mrs Okoro looked me in the eye and frowned… “At your age you’re still pupuing on yourself… shame on you… ”… I let out silent tears… “See how your class mates are laughing at you… anyway I can’t let you walk around with all this shit… so you’ll have to wear the girls’ uniform till your daddy comes”… “Please ma… no” “WILL YOU SHUT UP… DID I TELL YOU TO SHIT ON YOURSELF?! ” “please ma… pleaaaaaaaasssssssssseee” she lifts her hand to slap me but the matron interrupts… “Take it easy Mrs Okoro… he’s just a child” “A very stupid child… please take him inside and change his uniform” she takes me in gently “you’re lucky… I was going to slap your ears off” (thought: you should have done it… see if I won’t put you in an arm lock)… inside… I tried to persuade the matron to let me stay with her until school was over… I’m sure she would have agreed if not for Mrs Okoro’s frequent howling… she dressed me up quickly and took me out… as I stepped out I noticed a smirk on Mrs Okoro’s face (thought: my God will judge you)… she took me to the class and even before we entered my class mates were already peeping out to see the new citizen of Scotland… Mrs Okoro stepped back and gestured for me to enter the class alone (thought:

I summoned courage and proceeded into the class on my own… heart breaking laughter filled my ears… my God what did I do wrong… WHAT?!… Mrs Okoro steps in “don’t you know your seat again?!” she still had 30 minutes so she went on teaching… using me as a point of reference any time she had the chance… she
even told me to go to the girls side when it was time for quiz… all the while I silently prayed the undertaker would come out from the ground and give Mrs Okoro a befitting choke slam… she left the class 15 minutes early… just enough time to get tortured… all my class mates were getting ready to pick on me and then… when I least expected it… the school bell rang (thought: ^_^ thank you Jehovah… I am forever gratef…) the bell rang again and again and again… the bell rang four times… this could only mean one thing… assembly! (Thought: Jesus I’m still ready… you can still take me)… I was going to leave the class last but two hefty boys dragged me out “LEAVE ME ALONNEEEEE” (translation: pick on someone your own size you premature gorillas)… they both declined and carried on… dragging me to the assembly front….they drooped me just before we got there and left… I thought about running away but I couldn’t… not with all these teachers around… I walked hurriedly to the space assigned to my class… hopefully no one would notice… It worked until the girl whose name I wrote down in the noisemakers list (you should remember her from part one) screamed “MAYOWA WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY SKIRT?!” the little bitch… all because of a stupid noisemakers list… all the students turned around and stared… they didn’t laugh or anything (I wasn’t so popular)… then I started walking again (fuck up)… they all noticed my struggle walk whilst wearing the skirt (it’s the sort of walk you’ll get if 50 cent ever wears a kilt ) mehn you should have seen the way they laughed and pointed immediately they noticed I was a boy… even the not-so-cool kids laughed… I just stayed where I was and didn’t venture to go any further… the teachers were compassionate enough to let me stay there… the impromptu assembly had been called because there was a shoot-out going on outside between the police and some hoodlums so we were asked to stay in school for a while longer


The actual fuck… how could all these things be happening today… how?!… Something is wrong somewhere… I made way to the class… the things these evil children did and said to me… I actually had to cross my leg like a girl because some asshole peeped under the desk to see my panties (karma is a bitch -_-)… another one drew this and pasted it on the board

… even when I wanted to go to the toilet one primate threatened to follow me to play mummy and daddy with me (I saw him holding hands with a light skinned man some days back)… these children didn’t let up one bit… they took all my notes and added a “Mrs.” Just before my name… then news got out that the shoot-out was over and we could all go home… (Thought: it took you this long to hear me Jesus) but before I even stepped out Mrs Okoro entered the class with a new short for me… I did this to her in my mind

I just had this feeling Mrs. Okoro had somehow joined forces with some babalawo and had today planned out
Today is worst day of my life… this was all I had on my mind as I made my way to the school gate to meet my father… I considered running away from Nigeria… I wondered how much an okada man would charge to take me London… my dad smiles and asks “how was school today?” I was going to tell him all that happened but Mrs Okoro had threatened to make me wear a feminine uniform for the rest of my stay in primary school if I did… “Fine” I force a smile… as we went through the school gate I had just one thought……

The end.
p.s. I think the girl that screamed my name was @i_annette… I think >_>

Childhood Musings

Hi… I’m Mayowa and this is my very first attempt at a blog. I have always wanted to write one but I could never find a suitable topic until I happened to pass my primary school one faithful day.

The dreadful memories bolted back into my head. Now this story mortifies me but I’m a strong person and I have moved on (lie). Before I go on I’ll like to tell you a little about myself (wait, please don’t close the page 😥 I am 32(lie), no wife, no kids, 19000+ tweets (#winning)… now I tell my sad tale…..  Ah yes! One more thing …I was 4 when the events of this day took place… this isn’t exactly what happened… in other words this story is 75% true.

LIGHTS! POPCORN!! ACTION!!!

DADDY PWWWWEASE”… he’s going to do it again… he’s going to abandon me in this animal pen (school) what did I ever do to this man to deserve such cruel faith?!… Besides I just got discharged from the hospital… I’m not ready for this struggle place just yet *he attempts to bolt but I grab hold of his left leg… he tries to wiggle free and fails…

Source: Google

Mayowa please… I just want to get gala for you… I’ll be back” “NOOOOO” (translation: just how stupid do you think I am nigga?) “Don’t you want to see your friends?” “I DON’T HAFF FRIENDS *wail” (translation: I don’t associate with retards)… “Stop lying mayo…. ” he spots a teacher heading towards us… I notice her too… “Good morning sir… he’s trying to skip school again eh?” my father smiles “good morning… yes… please take him in for me” she attempts to grab me but I kick out wildly (thought: stay away from me you shit faced troll)… she frowns “you don’t really like school… Do you?”… Silence (thought: captain obvious ! -_-)… “Why don’t you like school? … Don’t you want to grow up to be rich and famous like bill gates?

silence (thought: he dropped out of school!)…

“DADDY TAKE ME HOME”… they both laugh out loud “don’t worry sir you can go” “Mayowa I’m going to leave you with the nice la…” I notice the gateman leave his post leaving the school gate wide open… ”this is my chance” I release my father from my hold “Can I make it?!” the teacher reaches out for my hand “can she run?!” she’s a few inches away “will she chase me?!” I start to make my move “will she catch me?!” I feel her touch… I bolted as fast as my little legs could carry me… my father screamed my name but I didn’t reply… I’m close to the gate now… I can see people outside… I’m almost out I’m going to make it… I’m really going to make it…… I fall down (thought: damn!)… The teacher approaches me and drags me into the school premises… we pass my father… he waves and heads towards the gate… *silence*

*OTIS SCREAM*

The next 5 hours of school were slow and painful… the stupid teacher from this morning had gone around telling teachers and even students about my tragic ordeal (they all had a good laugh)… and during break this girl had her 8 year old brother steal the meat from my lunch box simply because I wrote her name down in the noise makers list (I almost put up a “if found please return” sign for that meat) … but it didn’t matter anymore… school was going to be over in one hour… my last hurdle for the day was going to be a math’s class… this is where the wahala starts… you see I hate mathematics with a passion and it’s simply because of I’m about to tell you… brace yourselves…

Mrs Okoro… the mathematics teacher enters and immediately wrote “9 X 10=” on the chalk board… I’m barely paying attention because all I could think of was going home… I start to imagine all the things I’m going to do once I get home… eat… play with my lego… I begin to smile and Mrs Okoro notices “YOU… Stand up and answer the question on the board” I snap back to reality and see her looking in my direction… I look back (you see I’m usually very coy and quiet so the teachers rarely call me) “ARE YOU STUPID?! IS IT NOT YOU I’M TALKING TO…? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING BACK?” she approaches… in my head I begin to pity the unfortunate student who refuses to answer her (the last thing you want to do as a 4 year old is give mrs Okoro ellla)… she stands in front of me “IS IT NOT YOU I’M TALKING TO?” I smile (you see Mrs Okoro had quarter past 3 eyes so I thought she was talking to the student beside me) she has her Segun Arinze gaze on now (thought: this nigga has signed his death certificate)… she strikes my right cheek with a brilliant backhand ifoti aye… *abrupt silence *Otis scream… real tears(thought: why me Lord?!)… She drags me up taps my ogor and points to the board… I approach the board in tears… I got to the front of the board and my heart skipped 2 beats… I knew if I failed this I was doomed… “Don’t make me come to that board” I pick the chalk and attempt to write what I thought was the answer… fear paralyzes me… she begins to approach me… I can hear her footsteps… (Thought: hear goes nothing… Jesus take control)…  I write what I thought was the most appropriate answer… she’s behind me now *crickets… the whole class explodes with laughter (Thought: bastards… it’s not like you know the answer >.<)… “LOL… so 9X10=11X12…?

That’s what I thought you ehn?” (Thought: Jesus I’m ready… take me now) she asks a student to get her cane… a pile of shit suddenly builds up in my bum “please ma you can’t beat me… I just had surgery on my bum bum” “who are you lying to?” “It’s true ma… I can show you” “show meJ” (Thought: bloody pedophile! >_>) she takes me to the center of the class and we assume the doggy position… “Remove your short” “Ma?!” (Translation: ARE YOU MAD?!) “ARE YOU STUPID…? I SAID REMOVE IT” … she lifts the cane up…. (Hi … please if I’m setting P with you close the page now… this is your bus stop)……  I remove my short hurriedly and reveal the well placed “X” on both sides of my bum… * laughter… Mrs Okoro asks me to pull my short back on… what has this woman done to me… I should hit her… I should shoot he…. I let out a loud fart and dropped… and dropped… and dropped *dramatic pause*sips water… the pile of quality shit that had been building up all this while… the students behind me notice… *laughter… (Plays Asa’s Bibanke)… my plight wasn’t over yet…

Mrs Okoro drags me out to get a new uniform and… and… and… the only uniform they had available was feminine… Mrs Okoro had a choice… let me walk around in my own shit until the school closes or see if I look cute in a feminine uniform… she chose the ….. WATCH OUT FOR PART 2! xoxo

I’m sorry I just can’t go any further *walks away face down… hands in pocket… kicking stones.

@Jetttson

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Personally, I think if you din’t write down “Names of Noisemakers”  with x2, x3, x4….x7 .. Your childhood sucked! :p

Which option do you think Mrs. Okoro chose? If you were in Mayowa’s shoes, what would you prefer?

Okay, make use of the comment box below! Share your most  memorable embarrassing moment.

Happy Fathers Day!