An empty vessel;
That’s what I’ve been feeling like since I learnt that I could never have children.
My womb was damaged, they said.
Only, it’s not just my womb. It’s me.
I’m a damaged woman.
I will never be able to do the one thing I grew up looking forward to.
I will never feel the joy of holding my own baby to my chest.
I will never look at anybody and think “I birthed that one”
That joy in calling someone mine and knowing;
That indeed, they are mine.
Growing up as an only child, I always wanted a daughter
I yearned for the days when I’d relieve my youth days to her
And make sure she learnt from my mistakes
Those days will never come now
I don’t need your pity
I’ve had enough of that.
I saw it in the doctor’s eyes as he broke the bad news to me
That rainy afternoon, five years ago.
The day I last felt any form of happiness
I see it in my mother’s eyes, she’s heartbroken too
She’ll never have a grandchild; poor woman.
But I see it most in the eyes of my husband
Though he tries to hide it from me
I see that look in his eyes each time he sees a child
Many nights he held me while I cried and begged him to leave me
I’d say to him ‘go and have children with someone else, mike,
I’m the barren one’ and he’d just hold me silently until I fell asleep.
He is my strength; I’d never have gone through this without him.
Maybe in the near future when we are emotionally balanced,
We’d consider adoption.
Let’s give a moment to those women that can never bear children…
And to the husbands that stick by their wives regardless of their inabilities to have children.
Although this is fictionally written, we cannot deny the fact that there are married women going through this same perplexity and feeling of void, who have not been able to birth children over time, after a perceived ‘okay’ number of years, who are stigmatized as the family outcast. There have been cases of the husband going ahead to take in a second wife usually with the backing of his family all in the bid to keep the family name going, at least that’s the excuse they seem to all use.
So, #QuickQuestion 1: Why are we always so quick to think it’s the woman at fault and usually never think it’s the man who can’t groom perfect swimmers? Or the one who just keep shooting blanks?
#QuickQuestion 2: What next for a couple who can’t have children on their own doing?
Please use the comment box.
7 thoughts on “My womb is damaged. by @Delia_Maraj”
In my opinion, getting married is for love and not for the kids. The kids will come but if they don’t, do we forsake the sole reason for the union in the first place? No.
1) Right from time, society has always favoured men. So if a marriage can’t have kids, the blame goes first to the woman before the man is considered.
2) Wait on the Lord, adopt children or just live happily ever after enjoying each other’s company.
Post Doesn’t Smell Bad At All.1. This Is Africa. Males Are Sacred Cows In Fertility Issues. I Would Know That, I’m An Expert Guy 🙂 2. Science Will Save Them. Loadsa Options Now. Adoption Maybe ?
Well. First off. .this is a beautiful post.
Had goosebumps reading it.
Now, I think the problem mostly stems from the fact that we subsist in a country(continent) where women are generally looked down upon. Every problem In a marriage is usually ‘the woman’s fault’ its standard procedure. Most men refuse to acknowledge the possibility of they being impotent.
And yeah… I think adoption should be the next step. It’s not a big deal.
this is still a big deal in Africa. I’m not optimistic about a change anytime soon.
Women are the home keepers’ and pratically in Nigeria the blame goes to them even when its obvious that it is the man that has problem, they will still find fault with the woman. 2) Those who put their hope in God their expectation shall not be cut off, the couples can sit down to reach a conclusion about what they really want.
There is this new method they use they will take the husbands egg nd d wife to fertilize and somebody else will carry d pregnancy for them.
Reblogged this on uberchoc's Blog and commented:
Really, really beautiful.