Her Story, XXXV

Thanks for waiting. In case you missed the preview, find it here, so you know what to expect. If you are not sure what Beneath the Smile is about, please check the preview out.

The project aims at looking beyond the smiles of the next person, to see what’s really beneath, what’s really going on? How people really need help and won’t bother saying anything about it but would rather cover it up with a façade of strength, with a smile.
It’s time to look beneath the smile and lend a helping hand. People are going through real things, these are their stories.

We hope that you’d be kind enough to leave a comment. Your feedback is important to us.

Today’s story was sent in by one of our readers who has asked to stay Anonymous.

This is her story.

Please Read.

The ‘Beneath the Smile’ Project.

behind the smile

Beneath my smile lies pain.
Beneath my smile lies hurt.
Beneath my smile lies the quest to love and be loved.

My story isn’t very sad. Quite ordinary, tbh well to me, maybe I’m used to so much pain it seems like the way it should be. I am in love with love. Does that even make any sense?

My deep quest to be loved with the same intensity as I love, I know not the root of. Could it be the fact that I was defiled as a child. Twisted part of the story is I think I liked it.

At age 6. WOW. Maybe its just me then. I wonder though why I did nothing to stop it, despite the numerous opportunities to do so. Could it be the fact that I grew up, watched my mom battered, assaulted verbally and physically by my dad, that I decided I wouldn’t ever be in such a position; I’d look for something deeply rooted and genuine? Could it be that I’m just a hopeless romantic?

I have loved and lost. On average. I come off as a snub. Well after I realised that smiling all the time doesn’t really change anything. Just pushes your hurt, anger and pain to some dark twisted corner of your mind where it accumulates till you run mad with the facade of a life one is living.

I’m grateful for the things that have come my way. The things I’ve achieved, those on the verge of being achieved and those that’ll be achieved in d long run. BUT… I want love.

Am I desperate for wanting it so bad? Do my reasons justify my actions?
L☺L. My epic love stories have scarred me so.
They say those that laugh really hard at the slightest things and sleep more than they should are sad deep down. I agree.

Inside I’m sad. Beneath my goofy, outrageous utterly loveable self is a sad child. Waiting for the one. Waiting to be loved. Do you think I’m in a hurry? I’m barely 20 you know! L☺L.

I tell myself. I don’t need easy, I just need possible.

I dream of someone to grow with.
Someone to maybe share my burden, understand my pain. Support me.
Or do I need to find myself first?

Where are you? Where’s the one whose gonna fill that void. A void I might have created myself. Who can handle this sad twisted child.
Who is gonna see beneath my smile?

Anybody there?

– Eli

• • •

Don’t just read, say a prayer.


N.B. The project goes on with Tomorrow’s  ’His Story, XXIII’ by

You can still send in your own true stories to obafuntay@gmail.com

You can subscribe to the blog (at the right column to follow the project, if you are viewing with your mobile, just scroll to the end of this page to subscribe)

2 thoughts on “Her Story, XXXV

  1. Hi darling, this is what I think. Find yourself. Love yourself. If possible… Be obsessed with yourself. Nobody really wants to be with people like us u know… I say us because I can relate… And even when that person u want to grow with comes… Your inability to truly love yourself first will drive that person away… And then u keep searching. Stop searching. Pray. Fall in love with God. Be on your own for a while… You are still young… Believe me when I say this. When that person comes… U’ll totally forget there was any void that needed to be filled. Be fine.

  2. I agree with Japari – Yo can’t search for someone to love you if you don’t love yourself first ‘cos you won’t be able to accept or appreciate the love.
    Find you, find love, find a relationship with love – with God and grow in it. Before you know it, it would have become second nature! 🙂

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