His Story, VI by @IamNiyiOkeowo

Thanks for waiting. In case you missed the preview, find it here, so you know what to expect. If you are not sure what Beneath the Smile is about, please check the preview out.

The project aims at looking beyond the smiles of the next person, to see what’s really beneath, what’s really going on? How people really need help and won’t bother saying anything about it but would rather cover it up with a façade of strength, with a smile.
It’s time to look beneath the smile and lend a helping hand. People are going through real things, these are their stories.

We hope that you’d be kind enough to leave a comment. Your feedback is important to us.

Today’s story was sent in by one of our readers @iamniyiokeowo

This is his story.

Please Read.

The ‘Beneath the Smile’ Project.

behind the smile

Not everybody smiling, is happy.
Not everybody happy, is smiling.
We are all just good actors who never made it to the oscars – Niyi Okeowo.

“I am happy, that’s just the saddest lie “- kid cudi

I wish could pretend that my life is like this awesome high school movie. Where the underdog becomes the most loved at the end of the movie… Sadly its not… 😦 that sucks…

I lost my father when I was one. -__- How am I supposed to react to the death of someone I never really knew.. That’s what haunts me… ’cause I’m here thinking, what if , what if he was still around , what would have happened to me. Luckily I have a very loving mother and 3 awesome brothers , 3 best girlfriends!!! Lol. Obviously girls that are friends… Not ‘gfs’ -_- that would be awkward… Okay, Niyi shut up.. You’re yarning balls again. -__________-

Nobody really knows what’s going on, beneath that smile, the thoughts you have, how you want to not wake up one day, how you just feel like letting it all go, how you just want to put yourself out of your misery.

10  months ago… My life made so much sense …. I was in love (♥▿♥ʃƪ) it was bliss… Maybe you could say I was lucky being in love with someone who felt the same way. 6 months ago I got what some would say is their dream job… I was designing for one of the biggest banks in West Africa, going all corporate and sh**!! It was the life, I had an awesome girl I loved, good family, my 3 best friends were all doing well.

But when I look back, I realise something…. I was still sad, why? I had everything I wanted, what was wrong? It didn’t make sense. During the day I’d be so happy and excited, and at night I’d pray to God to take my life, I would have committed suicide, but the thought of feeling physical pain, just scares the shit out of me and every night I would pray hoping God would answer me, and days turned into months. God never answered my prayer, I became so tired. I was tired of acting, I just wanted to be alone, but each time I tried pushing people away, they only came back in multiples; made me realise: people will always be there for you. Despite all the love I was getting, I was never really happy.

Something inside of me wasn’t complete. Something was missing. One sadness still stuck. One day I got into a heated fight with a girl and she told me straight to my face…well not straight :p… It was via twitter DM… She said “Niyi, you need to go to your father’s grave, u need prayers”

It hit me hard.

It sunk in. Maybe I’ve been feeling depressed ’cause of the childhood I never had with my late father. It started to make sense. Every time I did something good. I would think of what my father would have said, and instantly, the pain of missing him would come again!!!! Beneath all the fake smiles I had dished out in the past… The emptiness and sadness of missing my late father still stuck in. I had heard stories of how he would travel from work just to visit me, how he loved me, but I never really got to witness that love first hand.

It created a constant need for love, attention and empathy. I had issues. I have issues, then again who doesn’t?

‘Sadman cannot cry in place where man can see’ – Frank ocean

So I have decided, I’m going to travel to his grave and have a talk with it him, man to man and get my life together. I guess this is a story of how I’ve spent my life wishing for something that I can not have…

But hey , who says there isn’t hope out there? I have a step father who has done so well to constantly remind me, that I have a father figure in my life, and maybe that’s all I need. A father .
So beneath all that smile, there’s a little boy, just waiting to see his father one last time. Then again, we are all that little boy, we are all missing someone and one day we will get to see them.

But in the meantime… All u can do is SMILE 😀 ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯ 🙂 :’)

• • •

A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS?

N.B. The project goes on with Tomorrow’s  ’Her Story, XI’ by @duchesskk

You can still send in your own true stories to obafuntay@gmail.com

You can subscribe to the blog (at the right column to follow the project, if you are viewing with your mobile, just scroll to the end of this page to subscribe)

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18 thoughts on “His Story, VI by @IamNiyiOkeowo

  1. And then again… All we can do really do is smile… Like you said, you’ll get to see him someday… And trust me… You’ll be fine… Eventually. Keep praying for God to give you peace instead of him taking your life… There’s nothing more beautiful than being at peace with urself…

  2. you no wat, i dont think graveyard will do much good, at least in the long run, get saved, not get religious, i mean a personal relationship, i had worse things goin on wit me bt Jesus changed it all, get a good church and get pastoral counseling, u can do it niyi,

  3. hey niyi, am glad u shared your story. i can relate to your story a whole lot. i lost my parents some 9 years back. i used to feel d need to be loved especially by my mother. i still miss her a whole lot but i have found a friend, father and mother in the Holy Spirit. he gives me true joy. thats always d answer. it ll be well. keep d smile and ask God to give u joy unspeakable and he will.

  4. I would always say this; there is an emptiness in every one that only God’s love can fill. We may claim we lack one thing or the other and give reasons why we feel sad inside, but they are all just excuses. Having them doesn’t fill the emptiness it just shows another.
    All we need in life is Jesus. His love is everlasting, perfect and complete

  5. Yes… I totally understand your point. My mum is a single parent. My dad walked out when I was about 3. That made me hate him and detest him because I’ll be like ‘how the hell can someone who’s got blood running through his veins do that?’ My mum played the role of each parent. I used to feel inferior and bad when people ask, ‘You’re always talking about your mum, don’t you have a dad?’. I learnt to proudly say ‘oh, my mum’s the best single parent ever’ I learnt that from the holyspirit, he said ‘this people don’t even know they are hurting you, don’t give pain a chance’… Point is, God is the only one that can fill that void.. As much as I’ll like to say going to your dad’s grave will help, I’m sorry.. It won’t. It’ll compound it… God is the only person capable of healing such wound and it’ll only happen when you yield to him. Now, I’m the happiest person ever. I’ve forgiven my dad… I have the peace that passes all understanding. And I’ll pray for you today. I’ll pray that you find God and get the peace he prepared for you before the foundation of the world. God is crazily in love with you. Okay… My comment is getting too long. Much Love. Bye!

  6. Can totally relate to almost every word here..especially d ‘how do I react to the death of someone I never really knew’.. u just can’t help but wonder what would have happened if he was still here..it haunts u esp when u reach some certain landmarks in your life e.g graduation,birthdays etc and he isn’t dere..but when u look at how far you’ve come and realise how strong your mother is,it makes it all better and you know that this is definitely God at work..lovely piece 🙂

  7. *group hug with eki* dis is jst anoda way of d devil tellin u, ur empty witout ur earthly father,trust me,wen u allow d holyspirit in, He fills up the emptiness….it doesn’t hurt at all 2 try…100% guarantee…no regrets *winks*

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