Her Story, X

Thanks for waiting. In case you missed the preview, find it here, so you know what to expect. If you are not sure what Beneath the Smile is about, please check the preview out.

The project aims at looking beyond the smiles of the next person, to see what’s really beneath, what’s really going on? How people really need help and won’t bother saying anything about it but would rather cover it up with a façade of strength, with a smile.
It’s time to look beneath the smile and lend a helping hand. People are going through real things, these are their stories.

We hope that you’d be kind enough to leave a comment. Your feedback is important to us.

Today’s story was sent in by one of our readers who has asked to stay Anonymous.

This is her story.

Please Read.

The ‘Beneath the Smile’ Project.

behind the smile

I will like to remain anonymous… The story I am about to tell you.. I have shared with very few.

My story might be scattered… I do hope you can understand.

Nothing I write here is fictional… Just the truth from my heart.

My parents got separated in my Jss1. I watched my dad cheat on my mom; beat my mum; and many other things. My mum left and things got worse for my dad. My dad would leave us at home to starve. No attention… Nothing.

School was my only escape, the people there were the only real thing to me. I finished from secondary school and got admitted to a private university. My first year in the university. I got raped by my best friend’s cousin. We had just finished exams and we went visiting.

… I blame myself

I learned to survive on my own from a tender age. I keep things to myself and deal with them the way I want. The only person I have depended on in my life was my boyfriend in school then. We broke up when we graduated. I guess I was so much of a burden to him.

Heartbreak.. I never want to experience again.

I’ve been in different relationships from then on.. Trying so hard to fill the void in my life. Void created by my family.. Yet I am still yet to succeed.

A lot of people will tell me to turn to God. Depend on Him. I just don’t know how to do that, because all my life I have depended on ME. I find it so hard to do that.

*Sigh*

I’m a sad girl.. I suffer from low self-esteem; I envy women that are doing well.

One day my dad told me “Because you are so slim when you get to your husband’s place you’ll be rejected because you look sick and no one wants a semi dead girl” … and many other awful things that I can’t get out of my head.

Everyone who follows me on twitter, see me as an exciting person… That’s just a mask.. A very good mask.

I need help..

I’m broken.. Sometimes I think I’m beyond repair.

But you’ll never know ’cause…

I smile a lot;

laugh a lot;

joke a lot;

no one knows…

So.. I guess this is me…behind my smile..

Behind my smile is a lost 28-year-old ‘girl’ who knows she needs to be found…

…but doesn’t know how, and when.

• • •

A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS?

N.B. The project goes on with Friday’s  ’His Story, VI’ by @IamNiyiOkeowo

You can still send in your own true stories to obafuntay@gmail.com

You can subscribe to the blog (at the right column to follow the project, if you are viewing with your mobile, just scroll to the end of this page to subscribe)

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8 thoughts on “Her Story, X

  1. I know I can’t completely understand how you feel, but I can relate. Honestly, I’ll tell u wat everyone else has been telling you, depend on God, turn to him. Yes, it’s gonna be hard at first to do that cos u’ve depended on YOU for so long. But just give it time, give God time to draw u closer to him and give him time to help you heal. Trust me, it works, it mite even take years for u to be completely healed of ur scars, but he (GOD) will definitely come through. He’ll even bring into ur life good people that will aid ur healing. All u have to do is take the first step by laying down ur burdens at his feet.

  2. Pick up ur bible sweetheart n read JOHN3:16 n Pray. U don’t need anything special just find somewhere quite get down on ur knees n talk to ur father in heaven ,he sees ur plight, he knows ur pain call upon the name of Jesus christ.. N he will take ur heavy burdens 4rm u in exchange 4 peace ,rest & love

  3. I can relate to ur story, bt I guess as I’m gettin older wt I do is I try to fill my time nd mind with helpin others, like volunteerin at the orphanage doin stuff like that, wt makes it worse is nt hvin sum1 to talk, like a bestfriend u trust or a boyfriend..honestli no1 can rilli heal u xcept God nd u hv to start from ur heart mind nd soul…

  4. Dis myt sound funny n strange but we r wat we make ourselves to b when lettin circumstances do d carvin of ourselves . Life is never always easy dats y u nid to live it. God gave u dis life knowin u can handle it n make it beautiful. Sum of d qualities u mentioned; smiles, jokes n lafta…r part of u…my advice is take out d pretence in it…let every fun time, moment sieve through u n u will understand wat livin is all abt. On d note of God(Father , Son n Holy Spirit), ders no specific way to depend on him but to talk to him always…he is ur creator…he knows everything abt u, hw u tick, when ur heart skips a beat…talk to him like a Father u crave for…tell him all…den ask 4 d Holy Spirit. Life is beautiful only if u take charge n ur 28yrs can’t b called wasted yrs cos I mysef is stil takin notes of mysef n behaviour. So I c a fun person in u dat needs only one thing, God n thru his eyes u will c a beta u…knowin ur slim stature is fr a reason, to glorify his work…so dat dat lucky Man will drool when he sees u. N learn to forgive n forget, forgive ur parents cos dos r d major burdens u carry, forgive d person dat raped u…I knw its hard but look at hw far it has brought u… Hope u read dis n understand dat life U

  5. just as u said the only help u need is God. all u need do is humble yourself. let God knw u can do nofn witout him. break down in his presence. do not be ashamed to go as far as crying in his presence. let him knw u need him more dan ever. He said in his word dt wen u seek him with all of ur heart, u ll find him. all God requires is ur heart, dnt bother abt how u ll be mended. no matter how broken u think u are, he has d power to heal ur heart, dont ask how, he will cos he is God. he said in his word,”come to me all ye dat labour and are heavy laden and i ll give u rest”.(matt11:28). the amplified version puts it better “come to me, all you who labour and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and i will cause you to rest. (i will ease and relieve and refresh your souls). i assure you dat it is well.

  6. Swthrt, dere is nothing anybody can say that would really get u happy, it would only but for a while, but i want you to know that Happiness comes from within, no matter your situation you just have to tell yourself i ave to be Happy. Turning to God doesnt neccessarily mean praying 24/7 it means at everypoint in time just say a word to him, how u feel talk to him life u talk to ur bf’s, he might not be physical but sure he is hearing you. You ave a very bright future that the Devil wants to try and bring down with all the pain u ave gone through. Tell yourself i would not live the life my Father lived…I will be a better person so my future children can smile nd get the best out of me. God is actually the Key. Everyday just read psalm 121.

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