Beneath the Smile, IV

Thanks for waiting. In case you missed the preview, find it here, so you know what to expect. If you are not sure what Beneath the Smile is about, please check the preview out.

The project aims at looking beyond the smiles of the next person, to see what’s really beneath, what’s really going on? How people really need help and won’t bother saying anything about it but would rather cover it up with a façade of strength, with a smile.
It’s time to look beneath the smile and lend a helping hand. People are going through real things, these are their stories.

We hope that you’d be kind enough to leave a comment. Your feedback is important to us.

Today’s story is re-told by @seuntomas

Please Read.

The ‘Beneath the Smile’ Project.

behind the smile (design)

Yesterday.

There’s something innately comical about an over aged fat kid, a 20-year-old SS1 ‘fatso’. He wasn’t funny in a ‘stand on stage’ kinda way, he was a joke himself, the class joke, no one knew much about him, just that he was fat and he was dumb, very dum. He was dirty, every time he walked by he gave you a bad feeling in your stomach, he took up way too much space in class and he slowed every one down. I am he. This is just one of my many episodes where I talk to myself and refer to myself in the third person, I happen to be piss drunk, and when I get like this sometimes, I talk to myself. Pardon my way of speaking I said to myself, as I threw up all over the pieces of mirror scattered on the floor, “if you looked like me you wouldn’t want a mirror” I said to myself as I slumped on the ground cutting my hand in one of the shards of glass, this was the hard part, feeling physical pain, this was the only dink in his otherwise impervious armour of numbness, now he felt nothing, nothing but a searing physical pain in his right hand “there you see I’m doing it again”

“Taiwo” I heard in the darkness , “Taiwo is that you?!!” .. I looked in the direction of the voice unable to focus properly, keeping my eyes open was hell but I recognised the voice, I recognised my little brothers voice, a voice stricken and coarse from hunger, he heard my fall and had come to see what was wrong, “Dele” I mustered … “Go to bed Dele… We have school tomorrow” .. Darkness … Finally… Sleep comes .. Solace… Redemption.

• • •

Today, the day after yesterday.

Today I am sober, so the pain is deep, my heart is heavy, my head hurts and my throat is tight but this teacher is oblivious to this, and so is the Neanderthal on my right, firing spit balls into my ear, “excuse me sir, Taiwo is smelling” said one of the other students much to the snickering of his colleagues, “ah ahn” the oaf of a teacher said “THUD” he slapped the back of my head, “you sef, you no dey baff” .. The other students giggled, I chuckled.. “You come dey smile” he said, disgust written all over his face as I smiled, bending my head, my hands up in a weak attempt to protect myself, this must be the devils science lab and I must be the guinea pig, a fat, ugly guinea pig, created solely to be mocked, scorned, insulted and assaulted, no one cared to hear, no one cared to listen, everyday was a struggle, every living moment felt like hell, surely death must be better than this, I adjusted myself back in my seat, still smiling, much to the disgust of everyo..”THUD!!” .. Pain … One enthusiast threw a book at me, that ginormous chemistry or was it physics book, blood trickled down my right eye, a tear down my left.. The bell rung, school was over. Another day in the life of a truly unfortunate person.

• • •

Later today.

The room smelled like death. My mother lay on her dirty bed, struggling for air. Her hair was bald, she looked pale and had lost a tremendous amount of weight, she had blood cancer, I don’t remember the big name they called it, it starts with “L” . What were the odds of that? His mother? Everyday, life went by, you heard things, you saw things, you knew cancer existed but it seemed so far away, so far away, until your mother is diagnosed with cancer and you watch the life literally leave her, until then, cancer is just a concept, but when it knocks on your door and starts taking your mother’s life, it becomes real, your eyes become red naturally because you always want to cry, crying or not crying is easy, what’s hard is holding back mass tears, when your mother becomes a charity case because your idiot father died without leaving much behind, when at 20, your stuck in ss1 with two siblings to take care of. Sadness becomes real, happiness now is but a distant concept. the mind is a terrible thing, how our thoughts claw at us, myriad of thoughts rampaging through our heads, it’s the function of the brain to sort out and identify the most relevant for the moment, but when all you know is sadness…

 • • •

Tomorrow, the day after today.

Taiwo Akinwummi …” The teacher announced …  “ZERO!!” The other students bellowed in unison .. This was how they let me know my score I didn’t deserve to be handed my script like every other student, I was a nobody, worthless, I was fat and ugly, normal treatment couldn’t be given to me, no, I had to be subject to ridicule, publicly. I bent my head smiling .. “E come dey smile” someone screamed from the corner as that book was hurled at me again.

 • • •

Later that day, the day after the day formerly known as “today”

That day

The room still smelt like death, but this time it also smelt like faeces, no one heard my mothers moans as she needed to relieve herself, no one heard, they’re not very loud but they carry that unmistakable, unnerving eerie tone of an almost dead person, no one actually cared, the church sponsored my mother’s charity case and so when they felt it necessary to continue payment of the hospital bill, then treatment continued, it had been a month since treatment stopped so no one cared, and so no one came, so she shat on herself, “TUEH!” I spat in the sink as I washed my hand, I took of my uniform and jacket and cleaned my mum up, imagine cleaning shit of your now mannequin like mother, as she moaned, groaned and made other incorrigible, un-understandable heart piercing sounds, all this while your siblings were behind you, not fully aware of the heart wrenching scene, but understanding the atmosphere and responding with silence and sad curious faces, I cleaned her up, removed the sheets and set off with my brothers.

The sun shone valiantly and everyone went about their business, we were still walking, my brothers and I, when dele struck his foot on a stone and yelped, I turned immediately seeking the source of his pain, it was his shoes, they were worn out and old so they had holes, dele struck his toe on a rock and was now bleeding, he sat flat on the floor in frustration, weeping silently completely ignoring the world expecting it to step aside for his sadness, like his cup of sadness was full and for now time had stopped to pay its respect to a truly “unfortunate” person .. As I looked at Dele my heart imploded, my perfectly fixed smile became heavy and slowly turned upside down, I fell on the floor too. Yomi, my other brother caught the bug too and followed suit, sitting there we caught the attention of a young woman, 27 at most, she must be new to town to not recognise us and our family, she looked at me with concern in her face and in that moment I received understanding about the concept people described as love, if I had a dollar for every time I had felt love I’d have a dollar ..

Are you ok?” She asked, my walls had come down, my protector, my shield, my smile had failed me and I had become vulnerable, the screw holding back the bleeding of my heart had come off and I was bleeding profusely, my sadness was overwhelming and emotions as old as 16 years  that had been tucked away had come barging in, my mouth was heavy and I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t find the words and so my heart leaked through my eyes .. “No” I finally mustered… “I’m not” .. She looked at Dele and Yomi then at me .. “Sorry” she said as If she suddenly realised who we were, she got up and walked away. we sat and wept, and wept, and wept.

8 HOURS LATER

As if something had snapped in me I suddenly got up and wiped my tears .. I lifted Dele and Yomi up and led them home, it was getting cold.

Exception: The Story Ends here. However, Seun thomas sent in this last fictional part.

2 HOURS LATER

Pain … Pain.. Physical pain .. Enormous pain, there was blood everywhere, I couldn’t be too precise as I didn’t have a mirror, I couldn’t really see what I was doing.

“What are you doing” I asked my self, you know .. I ask my self things. “I’m fixing things I tried to say through mind numbing pain, all I could do was gaggle blood, I swear to you everything I say to you is true, this is the height of what sadness can do to you, blood spilled everywhere, I was clumsy. The knife was stuck, I was making a smile, do you know how to that? .. I’ll tell you. You cut a smile in your face :), I had finished the left side, I was on the right, the knife had remnants of flesh in it so it became blunt, I was fixing things, the sadness was too much, it’s a good thing I wasn’t sad anymore, but I had to take precautions, never again should this happen, never again should I let out what’s under the façade, never should I let out what’s beneath the smile.

• • •

THANKS FOR READING.

A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS?

N.B. The project goes on with Friday’s ‘Her Story, IV’ by an Anonymous writer

You can still send in your own true stories to obafuntay@gmail.com

You can subscribe to the blog (at the right column to follow the project, if you are viewing with your mobile, just scroll to the end of this page to subscribe)

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “Beneath the Smile, IV

  1. This story is heart wrenching! But taiwo has to get he’s act together for the sake of he’s brothers! No matter what it takes! This is really sad tho… Is it true?

  2. it’s all well and good to feel bad for somebody that has gone through this;…it’s truly sad but let’s look at it from another dimension. LOVE. Be the person that would not make fun of someone that everybody else perceives as ‘different’. Lend out a hand and kind words, they go a long way. If there were just two people in this young man’s life that actually loved and cared for him, it would have made things a bit better. So don’t just feel, act and change a life today.

  3. Hi there! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us so I came to give it a
    look. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m book-marking and will
    be tweeting this to my followers! Terrific blog and great style and design.

  4. Hi there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have
    any problems with hackers? My last blog (wordpress)
    was hacked and I ended up losing months of hard work due to no
    back up. Do you have any solutions to prevent hackers?

  5. Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this site. It’s simple,
    yet effective. A lot of times it’s challenging to get that “perfect balance” between user friendliness and appearance. I must say that you’ve done
    a awesome job with this. Additionally, the blog loads super fast for me on Chrome.

    Excellent Blog!

  6. Please let me know if you’re looking for a author for your blog. You have some really great articles and I think I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
    Please blast me an e-mail if interested. Thank you!

  7. Hey there! I hope you’ll be able to answer my question. I’m interested in a premium WP theme, but I have no idea how to know if the one
    I choose will be compatible with mobile phones.
    What are some guidelines you can give me as to what to watch out for when
    it comes to colors and background and issues like that?
    I usually evaluate websites via my mobile, and I’m going to bet that a lot of people are just like me in that way. Oops, i went a bit off topic, sorry. Appreciated the document thou.

  8. Hello! I’ve been reading your weblog for a while now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Atascocita Tx! Just wanted to say keep up the excellent work!

  9. Greetings I am so happy I found your blog page, I really found you
    by mistake, while I was looking on Askjeeve for something else,
    Regardless I am here now and would just like to
    say thanks for a tremendous post and a all round interesting blog (I
    also love the theme/design), I don’t have time
    to read through it all at the moment but I have bookmarked it and also included your RSS feeds, so when
    I have time I will be back to read more, Please do keep up the awesome work.

  10. I’m actually getting worn out of every trackback spam that my site is getting. There’s
    a trillion plugins it would seem, and I have no idea which one would be good for this, or even if I’ve seen all of the plugins that can help me get rid of this. So quick question – what plugin could you recommend to get rid of trackback spam? I nonetheless desire to collect comments, but this other stuff is driving me insane.

  11. Nice post. I used to be checking continuously this weblog and I am impressed!
    Very useful information specially the last part 🙂 I take care of
    such info much. I used to be seeking this certain
    information for a very long time. Thanks and good
    luck.

  12. Hey! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this post to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!

  13. First off I want to say great blog! I had a quick question in which
    I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your head prior
    to writing. I have had a difficult time clearing my mind in getting my ideas out there.
    I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first
    10 to 15 minutes are generally wasted just trying to figure out how to begin.
    Any recommendations or hints? Appreciate it!

  14. Does your website have a contact page? I’m having a tough time finding it but, I’d like to send you
    an email. I’ve got some recommendations for your blog you might be enthusiastic about hearing. Either way, great website and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.

  15. Gday. I noticed your blog title, “Beneath the Smile, IV | obafuntay” doesn’t really reflect the content of your web-site. When creating your website title, do you think it’s most beneficial to write it for SEO or for your visitors?
    This is something I’ve been struggling with mainly because I want great rankings but at the same time I want the best quality for my visitors.

This is where you sign roll call...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s