His Story, II by @Siji_X

Thanks for waiting. In case you missed the preview, find it here, so you know what to expect. If you are not sure what Beneath the Smile is about, please check the preview out.

The project aims at looking beyond the smiles of the next person, to see what’s really beneath, what’s really going on? How people really need help and won’t bother saying anything about it but would rather cover it up with a façade of strength, with a smile.
It’s time to look beneath the smile and lend a helping hand. People are going through real things, these are their stories.

We hope that you’d be kind enough to leave a comment. Your feedback is important to us.

Today’s story was sent in by one of our readers @Siji_B

This is his story.

Please Read.

The ‘Beneath the Smile’ Project.

behind the smile

My name is Siji.

And my state of mind is blurry. This is not an expression of any particular screwed up experience. It is the coming together of many screwed up experiences.

I make so many errors and I have stopped making plans; or executing them (not sure). I experience regular memory loss – that scares me a lot. I’m slowly losing it. Like my faith. Sometimes I think I never had faith, other times I just think God is punishing me. I have abused my privileges and pride has eaten me up. There is a scripture verse that I can’t get out of my head. “Do not frustrate the grace of God on your life”. I might have done that, because I think that if it is true, then God is frustrated with me.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep so I did what a ‘normal’ kid would do. I popped 2 pills of ‘Kalms’ and entered a really deep sleep. I shouldn’t be abusing prescription drugs but I do it anyway. Sometimes I wonder how and why I have friends. I am so mean to most of them, I have gotten even meaner and I am no longer subtle about it. I no longer care about most people and things. I am losing my fears every day. My only fear is to completely lose fear and die of something that I should have been scared of.

When I was younger (due to the way we moved), I decided not to be friendly and not care about people. It was a struggle at first but now, I have gotten really good at it. I have totally stopped caring.

I had to get this out.

My name is Siji.

These are my thoughts.

What are yours?

• • •



N.B. The project goes on with  ‘Her Story, III’ by an Anonymous writer

You can still send in your own true stories to obafuntay@gmail.com

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2 thoughts on “His Story, II by @Siji_X

  1. Hi Siji, though I cannot say that I feel your pain, or that I have experienced/am experiencing what you’re feeling, there is one thing I can address in your story. I want to tell you that I know that you have not frustrated God! We often times project our own feelings on God, and therefore think: because I am messing up, and I am frustrated, God must be frustrated with me. The fact is, God is slow to anger and rich in mercy. He is the master of longsuffering. He is the epitome of patience. Infact I can relate to your story a little in that aspect, I have often felt God was frustrated with me because I never measure up and I myself know I don’t even try hard enough. But what I have learnt over time (not that long lol) is that He doesn’t condemn anyone, neither does He give up on anyone. Just go to Him in sincerity of heart, Ps 51 vs 17 says “a broken and a contirte heart He will never despise”. Infact I encourage you to read David’s story, He was one person that we would have all assumed God would give up on, but as always, He didn’t. That God is still the same, never changing compassionate Father. Also, you’ve got to work on that box you are in. You’ve got to love, for you need people, and people need you. We were created that way by the same God who loves fellowship with us. It must be difficult I’m sure, but that’s where you can get help from the Holy Spirit, He will teach you how to love again, soften your heart, and get you back up :). Well I guess all this might be meaningless if you are not yet born again. If not, please do, and if so, the Holy Spirit is your help :).

    Wow that was long, sorry :p

  2. Nice post Siji
    Feels good sharing this Yh? iKnow that feeling.

    “I am losing my fears every
    day. My only fear is to completely lose fear
    and die of something that I should have been
    scared of.” – Siji

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